If it had been in front of others, the story that I wouldn't have shared just flowed out effortlessly in front of Serafina.
The reason I started my confession was impulsive.
It was Serafina who made me aware of fears I didn't even know I had.
Only after she comforted me did I finally realize that I had been hurt deep down.
And I also came to understand what results those wounds and fears had brought about.
"My avoidance has created this situation. I should have personally checked whether the territory was functioning properly or if there were any places that were sick. Instead, I turned away simply because I was afraid of the gaze."
But honestly speaking, regret washed over me as I said it.
I wondered why I needed to show such a weak and cowardly side to the person I realized I loved.
But.
"It can't be helped," Serafina replied calmly and cheerfully once again.
"I've said it repeatedly. Really, I've said it many times. This is not Dante's fault."
Serafina rested her chin on one hand and swirled her cup of tea with the other.
"The world is trying to chop me up and roast me alive; I'd want to avoid it too. Now, here's the question: there are many people blaming one person and someone hiding out of fear of that blame. Who is truly at fault?"
"The many people blaming one person."
"Correct."
In that moment, Dante realized.
He understood why he had brought up such things to Serafina even while regretting it.
‘I wanted to be comforted.’
It seemed that this was the kind of comfort he desired.
He thought that Serafina would surely comfort him like that, smiling as if it were nothing at all.
"But Dante, if you just avoid everything, you ultimately won't be able to do anything. Fear is an illusion; unless you face it directly, it will continuously grow larger. So..."
Her voice was kind yet firm.
"Don't be afraid and live freely. You don't need to worry about unnecessary gazes or ridiculous accusations; there's a lot of people around you who care for you more than anyone else. If someone calls you a monster, they'll all roll up their sleeves and say 'Shall we show them a real monster?'"
A small giggle followed after that.
"So from now on, don't be afraid of things that aren't your fault. The most important thing is Dante."
Dante slowly mulled over her words.
No; even without trying to chew on them deliberately, Serafina's voice buzzed in his head.
"Don't be afraid."
"Don't pay attention to or listen to others' gazes and words."
"…Can I really not be afraid?"
"Of course. I assure you."
In that moment, Dante felt a sense of freedom.
It felt like the curse that had been dragging at his ankles and choking his neck had disappeared.
〈Dante, you will never be able to love anyone.〉
The voice of Yulia that had been vividly etched in his mind faded as if it had never been there at all.
So then,
Could he dare to love Serafina freely? Could he not feel guilty with his heart about to burst?
His mind was complicated but his face remained calm.
And soon his thoughts began to organize quickly as well.
"I will not be afraid. So..."
Dante vowed not to fear anymore and to move forward bravely.
There was only one thing he desired:
"Will you stay by my side so that I can continue to have courage?"
That Serafina would stay by his side in good health for a long time,
So that someday he could convey his love for her,
On his gently curving lips and in his blue gaze lingered a faint light of obsession,
However, contrary to his wish, the answer did not come quickly back to him.
A momentary look of discomfort flashed across Serafina's face before disappearing again,
As she fumbled with her cup with her fingertips, Serafina awkwardly raised the corners of her mouth into a smile,
"I will stay by your side until fate allows it."
It was the moment when his pleasantly racing heart plummeted to the floor.
* * *
The room where Serafina had left behind.
Alone now, Dante gazed out the window with an expression devoid of emotion.
"Until fate allows it..."
That was a phrase that clearly meant death.
It was a word about death that often slipped from her lips casually.
On the day they had gone out together, on their way back Serafina had briefly stopped by the physician at her request.
〈Is it the physician?〉
〈Yes. I have something to discuss with Hetheson. I'll be back shortly.〉
He had to hold back his urge to ask what she needed to talk about.
But just as she said she'd return quickly, Serafina didn't stay long at the physician's office.
.
However, that time felt strangely eternal.
He fidgeted restlessly in his seat and even bumped his head against the carriage ceiling.
He quickly recalled how Serafina had been doing lately.
Had she looked unwell?
Had she been staggering?
Had there been talk of her spitting blood?
Had she complained about dizziness or not being able to eat or having pain somewhere...?
The more he retraced those thoughts, the more ominous ideas piled up in his mind.
So when Serafina returned, he urgently asked,
〈What did the doctor say?〉
〈…Huh?〉
Only after seeing Serafina's bewildered expression did Dante manage to gather himself.
〈Oh! No! I'm just curious what you talked about with Hetheson.〉
〈It was nothing special; we just talked briefly about something Hetheson is researching. Oh! And I brought some supplements; would you like some?〉
〈I'm fine."
〈Aha."
〈By the way, have you found out anything about Hetheson's research?〉
Serafina flinched for a moment and narrowed her eyes.
Then she said,
〈Well, it could be, or it might not be...?〉
She moved on with a vague answer.
Dante couldn't press further and had no choice but to keep quiet.
Still, he had a glimmer of hope inside him.
Perhaps there was some progress in the research after all.
After all, Hetheson's research was undoubtedly about Serafina's incurable disease.
However,
〈Until fate allows it, I will stay by your side.〉
Judging by that answer, it seemed there was no positive progress.
He roughly rubbed his face with both hands.
Emotions that were either anger or sadness surged within him.
He resolved to forget his fears and love Serafina freely.
Yet, after making that decision, a greater fear began to creep in.
They say fear grows by feeding on desire...
He wanted to protect Serafina.
Even though he had only about ten years of life left, he wanted to protect her life with his own if necessary.
After all, wouldn't it be better to force some stability?
A dark shadow settled over his cool face. However, it easily vanished at the thought of Serafina's bright smile.
Yes. The important thing was her smile.
The Serafina he knew would choose happiness over health without a doubt.
It was important to respect her choice while doing the best he could do for her.
Thus, Dante resolved once more:
He would find a way to cure Serafina's incurable disease no matter what it took.
And also,
He would love Serafina freely now. It didn't matter if those feelings were not reciprocated.
The very fact that he could love someone freely was an immense salvation for him.
* * *
Time passed quickly from then on.
There hadn't been anything particularly special during that time.
Preparations for welcoming the royals were progressing smoothly, and a new letter from the royal family had also arrived.
The letter contained news that the First Princess and the Second Prince had been decided as guests coming from the North.
No matter how I thought about it, the procedures were a complete mess.
I clicked my tongue and tossed the letter into the kitchen stove. Ena, who was watching beside me, gasped for three seconds before giving me a thumbs up.
Dante and I put on our special work clothes again and began working in the fields.
In Dante's field, we planted daisies, chamomile, and lavender as planned, and all three grew rapidly day by day.
It seems that the soil here is good after all.
I secretly cheered for our herbs a few times so they wouldn't feel discouraged for no reason.
I shouldn't compare them to the neighboring field while growing them; I will become a wise herb mom instead.
Thus were the ordinary days passing by.
...No, in fact they weren't so ordinary at all.
There weren't any particularly special events; however, there were small yet special occurrences.
And that was Dante.
"You two really look good together these days."
"Right? Mari, don't you think so too?"
"Yes! Especially the way the Duke looks at you..."
"It feels somehow different from before, doesn't it?"
"Huh? Yes... I think so too...?"
I wish they would just give me a straight answer.
If they just agree with me and then slip away like that, I feel like I'm left alone as a fool and it's embarrassing.
Pouting my lips, I leaned against the windowsill.
No matter how I think about it since our outing two weeks ago; Dante's attitude towards me seems to have changed a bit.
It's hard to pinpoint exactly what it is.
How should I put it? Should I say his gaze is sweeter?
Or should I say his attitude is a bit more straightforward than before?
As if he actually likes me...
Bang.
"Oh my! You scared me! Why are you suddenly banging your head... Oh! Are you hurt?"
As I banged my forehead against the table for mental discipline; Mari next to me made a fuss on my behalf.
"No! I'm fine! I just felt like banging my head."
"My goodness! What kind of feeling is that...? I've never heard of such a thing."
"Sometimes when silly thoughts come up it's effective; you should try it too."
"I'd just drink a glass of cold water instead."
"Oh! That's a good method."
"Shall I get you some cold water?"
"Please do."
That definitely seemed like it would hurt less and be more effective.
As I rubbed my sore forehead; Mari brought over a kettle of water.
I gulped down one glass of water and filled another one again.
"Sigh... I guess I'll have to take some medicine."
Then I took out the digestive supplements Hetheson had given me and popped them into my mouth.