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Valentin. My Valentin, who was like family.
But to Valentin, I could never be considered family. And yet, he genuinely worries about me. But he denies my very existence... As I continued this endless stream of sophistry, I blankly opened my mouth.
“Valentin, do you remember the day you first saw me?”
“If you mean the sight of you running away for a long time after skipping class, then yes, I remember.”
“That wasn't the first time. I'm talking about the day the curtains in my room caught fire.”
The breath hitting my cheek seemed to stop for a moment. The weight of his chin pressing firmly against my shoulder also grew slightly lighter, if I wasn't mistaken.
“You know, you might not believe it, but I still have a vivid memory of that day... It's so vivid that I once mistook the shadow of a lamp on the wall for the flames of that day. Do you know what I mean? I'm saying I definitely didn't run away because I was scared of thunder and lightning.”
“...To the point of mistaking it?”
A muffled, heavy voice, as if submerged under water, echoed in my ears.
“The important thing right now isn't that I mistook it. Actually, since that day, there was something I've wanted to ask whenever I saw you. So, the words I've always wanted to say when I met the benefactor who saved me...”
Rather than wondering what on earth I was rambling about, the movement of my trembling upper and lower lips was several beats faster.
[You should never have been born.]
Furthermore, I didn't bother trying to control my lips, which were acting on their own.
“Why was I not supposed to be born?”
The question I had buried in my heart for over a decade.
To tell the truth, I had intended to keep this question buried for a lifetime. At some point, I judged that the mere act of uttering this question could cause a great upheaval for Valentin.
'What if those words were a reverse scale that must never be touched?'
And if I remembered that day and spoke of it, what if our future were ruined once again?
Valentin was a prophet bestowed by God. The whisper he once left me—'Your Highness's future does not exist'—was also a prophecy with a clear intention, and I did not believe that such a Valentin would have left those words without reason, even if it were before an infant.
Contrary to my inner thoughts, which wavered like a reed, my lips continued to move honestly.
“As I thought... it's related to the prophecy that I have no future, right? And also the prophecy that Vasily would become a tyrant. You said it before, Valentin. That if I knew of my own death, I could avoid the worst future.”
Amidst the raging thunder, I continued, as if possessed.
“Perhaps, by the mere fact that I was born, my family's misfortune...”
It was then. A grip that was beyond strong—almost forceful—seized both my cheeks and pulled me up.
What filled my vision, dampened by rain, was the coldly frozen face of a man. His gaze, which had always been indifferent and bored, was now shaking with bewilderment.
“Your Highness, remember my words clearly. You cannot be the misfortune of the Imperial Family, nor the misfortune of the Empire. That day will never come, even if the heavens collapse.”
“...”
“That day's...”
Closing his eyes tight with a pained expression as if his throat were constricted, Valentin opened them again, and surprisingly, they held a faint trace of fear.
“Please, I beg of you... please erase that statement from that day from your memory. You must forget it. You must not fall into despair with a distorted perspective because of such reckless words.”
The desperation was vivid in the voice that enunciated every single syllable clearly.
Because of that, I was a bit surprised. It was a simple consolation without any elaborate explanation, yet I realized that I was truly being comforted. Fearing that my distorted expression would be seen, I buried my face in his large hand and caught my breath for a moment.
“Your Highness.”
A desperate call lingered at the tips of his fingers.
'You jerk. I suffered for seventeen whole years because of that one sentence. Why are you the one who's so scared?'
...Well, fine. I'm okay now. I can manage my expression.
At the very least, my heart felt at ease now that I had received confirmation that he hadn't meant it. Still, I couldn't help the sharp thorns sprouting in a corner of my chest.
“I'll think about it.”
As I answered and opened my eyes, Valentin, who had been holding his breath, slowly stroked my cheek. Even though it wasn't a positive answer, his face looked relieved simply because I had responded.
If you were going to be this distressed, Valentin, why on earth did you leave such reckless words?
“Your Highness, do you really still remember that day so vividly...?”
“Yes, I remember it vividly.”
As I mumbled my answer into his palm, the surroundings felt strangely quiet, save for the harsh sound of the wind and rain.
When I tried to lift my head, it suddenly felt heavy, as if a stone had been placed on top, making it impossible to move. Since it was the same sensation as when my shoulder felt heavy, it must be Valentin's head.
Still hugging me, Valentin whispered 'I am sorry' like a sigh. For dozens of seconds, I quietly listened to his apology, not wanting to leave his warm embrace.
Since he showed no sign of pulling away, I asked.
“What are you doing?”
“I am regretting it.”
“Regretting what? That I was born, after all?”
A deep sigh spread across my ear again, but perhaps because I was drunk, it didn't feel ticklish.
“Of course, I am regretting the past version of myself who spouted such stupid nonsense. Imperial Princess, your birth...”
“...”
“At least to me...”
“...”
“Is the most perfect blessing bestowed by God.”
Uh, um. I find that a bit hard to believe. To use such an exaggerated expression just to comfort me. And Valentin, of all people? I wondered if his guilt was quite significant.
“I am ashamed. I recall you were a mere infant in a cradle on that day... how on earth do you remember it?”
“I don't know. I remember everything from my childhood, and I thought other people were the same as me. You have no idea how much Ivan scolded me for it.”
He had lectured me severely, saying I was only proactive in deceiving people and to be careful of lies that only a cult leader would tell. It was around that time I first realized my case was somewhat special.
Soon, the weight on the back of my head vanished. Valentin, slowly turning my body toward him, spoke with an extremely polite and cautious expression.
“I ask you once more, Your Highness. Please forget the falsehoods of that day. They were meaningless outbursts and nonsense I will regret for a lifetime, so I hope you leave them completely clean from within that small head of yours. Do you understand?”
“I'll try... but will it be easy? It still comes to mind once every three or four days.”
Was it because I was drunk? I surprised myself by blurting out words I would normally restrain. I smiled as if making an excuse to his face, which had stiffened once again.
“Sorry, Valentin. I'm joking... I'll try my best to forget. Who am I? I'm Princess Larisa. There's nothing I can't do. So I'll be able to forget well, too.”
Valentin, staring silently into my eyes, murmured as if talking to himself.
“You should never have been born.”
For a moment, my shoulders flinched. Facing me head-on, Valentin's expression was profoundly grim. Biting his lower lip, he gripped my shoulders tightly.
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