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LOS 44
He touched his lips. Blood stained his fingers. But I didn't feel sorry at all.
“Let’s go, Giles.”
When I reached out my hand, Giles took it without a word and left the spot. We walked through the crowd and exited the ballroom.
Since most of the guests had already entered, it was quiet outside. Not wanting to show any weakness in front of others, I collapsed onto the stairs the moment I confirmed no one was watching. My feelings were beyond words.
Yes, this was it. This was exactly what I had wanted to avoid so desperately. To prevent this from happening, I had pushed myself into the gutter and fled, ignoring the fact that I was walking a path straight into hell.
In the end, it happened anyway. Experiencing it firsthand was worse than I had imagined. It felt as if a loathsome insect were crawling all over my body.
Giles was also mostly silent. He simply stayed by my side, like a sinner. I stole a glance at him. He had barely endured his time in the ballroom as it was, and now that this had happened, he looked even more miserable.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have let that happen.”
“You’re not the one who needs to apologize. That lunatic is.”
“It’s not as if I’m without fault. Vincent always expresses his hostility toward me in this manner. It was my mistake for bringing you into his demonic trap.”
“I don’t quite understand, but you said that guy is definitely your subordinate. Then shouldn't you just suppress him? I don’t know much about the military, but is it okay for a subordinate to do something like this to a superior's partner?”
This time, Giles looked at me. The brilliant light spilling from the ballroom softly illuminated his face. I thought his expression looked quite self-deprecating.
“If I were an ordinary superior, I would have. But I have a great weakness, Anna. I am a Beldamite. I am the very person who must shoulder everyone's hatred. Even if I gained Ipswin's trust by contributing to the revolution, I cannot change my bloodline. It isn't just Vincent who is hostile toward me. In truth, everyone gathered in that room is. It's just that others choose a slightly more polite method than Vincent.”
He acted as if there were no need to hide the fact that he was a Beldamite. Everyone likely knew it anyway. The only Beldamite Ipswin turned a blind eye to. Before he was a hero of the revolution, he was the son of a landlord from Beldam.
That must be why Vincent felt comfortable insulting him in front of so many people. Most of the people gathered in the ballroom were probably sneering at Giles inwardly.
And I was the one who got caught up in it and suffered as a result.
In my heart, I wanted to kill Vincent, but I still felt that Giles didn't need to be so self-deprecating.
“Didn't you do it because you wanted to survive?”
“What?”
“I know you betrayed Beldam. Didn't you do it because you didn't want to die? Unless there was some other reason.”
Giles cast his gaze downward and nodded.
“Then that's fine. Either way, you achieved your goal. Let those people babble whatever they want. In the end, the important thing is that you're alive and talking to me, isn't it?”
Nothing is more important than surviving. If you die, you lose everything. There are no second chances. Everything just ends, right then and there.
That's why I couldn't stop talking.
“I would have done the same. Like you, I would have done anything to survive.”
At that, Giles looked at me again. He seemed surprised. Did he not expect me to say something like this? Then he didn't know me very well. I didn't fabricate lies just to comfort him.
“What are you staring at? I'm right, aren't I? In Beldam, they probably call you a shameless and petty traitor. Conversely, here, you're treated as a cunning Beldam bastard. But listen, if you're destined to be called that anyway, why not be a bit more shameless? If I could make others furious just by the fact that I'm alive, I'd be so shameless that they'd practically die of rage.”
“Are you telling me to become like Vincent?”
“I could be even worse than him.”
Of course, he didn't seem to have any intention of taking my advice. Regardless, I gave it sincerely. Because if it were me, I really would have done that.
“I think I was wrong just now.”
“About what?”
“I shouldn't have slapped Vincent. I should have let you throw a punch. If you had intended to, that is.”
“...In the past, I might have.”
“And you can't do it now?”
“Because you are by my side.”
What did that mean? I frowned.
“You don't need to play the gentleman in front of me.”
“That's not what I meant. If I start revealing my true nature, Ipswin won't just stand by. It would be fine if I were alone... but as long as you are by my side, I cannot. Even a small spark might fly your way. I cannot let you be affected in any way because of me.”
Giles leaned toward me. He whispered in my ear.
“Think of yourself first, Anna, rather than worrying about me.”
I ended up falling silent. True, I wasn't in a position to worry about others. Like Giles, I also carried the bloodline of Beldam. Moreover, I was even a noble. If that fact were discovered, my life might truly be in danger.
However, I instead lifted my head shamelessly and spoke.
“I'm just a pianist. What is there to be afraid of?”
I wasn't hiding behind a fake name. Anna Keating was my real name. The identity of Eloise Bismarck had never truly been mine.
A smile slowly spread across Giles's lips. He seemed to find solace in my shamelessness.
“Right. You are a pianist, Anna.”
“Good. Now that you get it, that's enough.”
I brushed myself off and stood up.
“Let’s go. If we go home like this, we'll look like total losers. You're that lunatic's superior. We need to remind him of that fact.”
We held hands and headed back toward the ballroom. Whether we left or not, the party maintained its atmosphere. Alcohol flowed in abundance, and people laughed and chatted. A few people looked surprised, perhaps not expecting us to return. I smiled at them.
I didn't see Vincent, but it didn't matter. I didn't come back just to see that bastard.
However, instead of Vincent, someone was approaching us. It was a middle-aged man in a formal suit wearing glasses. Surprisingly, he was looking at me, not Giles.
“Excuse me. Are you by any chance Miss Anna Keating?”
“Yes, I am.”
“I cannot tell you how delighted I was to hear you were coming. I've been longing to meet you. One cannot simply overlook the proud young pianist of Ipswin. It's a pleasure. I am Morgan Sage, the permanent conductor of the Ipswin Philharmonic. I assume you've heard of me, Miss Anna.”
We exchanged formal handshakes. I knew of him as well. There was no way I wouldn't know the man who conducted the largest orchestra in Ipswin.
“The reason I approached you is that I would like to invite Miss Anna as a guest soloist for our orchestra's upcoming concert. A great number of spectators will gather, so it will surely be a good stepping stone for you to create new opportunities. What do you think?”
“I would be the one grateful for such an offer.”
“Then I shall take it as an acceptance and notify my manager. Please know that I was deeply impressed by your performance.”
He shook my hand firmly once more and disappeared into the crowd. Giles, who had been silently watching the scene unfold, asked.
“Does this happen often?”
“This is the first time I've been invited by an orchestra this large.”
“You really are a remarkable pianist, Anna.”
“I know.”
I think I finally understood. Inside this ballroom, I was not merely Giles's partner. I sometimes forget that many people know about me. I had become too accustomed to the days of living hidden in the shadows.
“Listen, I still feel like crap, so let's go drink some more. That much is fine, isn't it?”
“...Alright.”
Giles walked with me into the center of the ballroom. He no longer looked like an outsider. He was with a proper partner.
The same went for me. The man I had once hated more than anyone... I was now starting to feel comfortable by his side, as if he were a part of my own body.
He was the first person in my life to show kindness without expecting anything in return. Giles was different from the other hypocrites I had encountered. It felt like it didn't matter how many people he had killed. What mattered was that he was the only one who could give me what I needed.
At least, that's what I thought.
Giles Hessen was different. He would be different.
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