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LOS 50
Giles only stopped once he felt we were finally safe, looking down at me with worried eyes.
“Anna, did anything happen?”
I shook my head. A delayed sense of exhaustion washed over my entire body. My legs were trembling so much that it was difficult to even stand still. I barely managed to ask him.
“That guy... why is he acting like that toward me?”
“I think he's picking a fight because I love you.”
“No, it's not that... I think he's realized who I am. He must have. He, he knew my hair color was fake.”
“Anna, it's okay.”
“It's not okay! What do I do if he really found out?”
“He knows nothing. I guarantee it. I erased all the information about you. It's fine. You're a pianist from Ipswin. Right? You are a pianist, Anna.”
He pulled me into his arms and comforted me. Being held by Giles seemed to calm me down a little.
“I never want to see the Revolutionary Army again.”
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let things get to this point.”
“...I want to rest, Giles.”
“Alright. Let's go.”
The apartment complex where I lived was not far from the practice room. I held his hand as we headed toward my home. Giles was already well-acquainted with where he needed to go to find my place.
Even after returning home, I couldn't easily shake off the thoughts of what had just happened. The look in Vincent's eyes as he stared at me was still vivid. It was a look of clear suspicion.
I should have listened to the end of what he was trying to ask me. Would that have made me feel even a little more at ease?
I sat wrapped in a blanket, drinking the tea Giles had brewed for me. Warming my body in that way made me feel as though my anxiety was subsiding further. Of course, a cup of warm tea cannot change reality.
Eventually, unable to hold it back, I asked.
“What if the soldiers come and take me away? Even if it's not right now. Something like that could happen later.”
Meanwhile, Giles sat facing me. Whenever I saw him in his uniform, I sometimes felt a strange sensation. It was quite ironic that the man I trusted most wore the same clothes as the people I feared most.
But at least he was on my side. After a certain point, I stopped doubting that fact entirely.
Because he had saved my life twice.
“You can't guarantee that such a thing will absolutely never happen, can you?”
“You'll be safe.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I'll stop it, no matter what it takes.”
“And if you try, but in the end, you can't stop them?”
Giles didn't seem to want to talk much about this subject, but I did not back down.
I was far from an optimist. No matter what happened, I always imagined the worst-case scenario. That was the only way to be prepared. I hadn't always been this way, but life had made me so.
He reluctantly answered me.
“You—meaning your former identity—was officially processed as deceased. No one will think you're alive. Therefore, they won't bother searching for your tracks.”
“Someone might notice that I look exactly like Eloise.”
“Anna.”
Giles stopped me by taking my hand. He was concerned about the way my train of thought was stretching longer and longer.
Giles's black pupils gazed steadily at me.
“Stop thinking like that. It only has a negative effect on you.”
“I'm just trying to think realistically.”
“What happened earlier...”
“It's not just because of that. I've always thought this way. I've never once thought that I would never be caught. Rather, the more I try to forget, the more anxious I become. Ignoring it doesn't change anything in the end. It's certainly different from having at least some kind of alternative plan.”
Giles sighed and turned his gaze toward the air. After a moment of deep thought, he spoke again.
“If your identity is exposed, the Revolutionary Army executives will be the first to know. Of course, I am included among them. So, we'll be able to react quickly.”
“How?”
“I'll take you and apply for asylum in another country.”
“Would another country even accept me?”
“If they don't accept us, we'll just have to enter illegally.”
I was about to ask if that wasn't too reckless, but I shut my mouth when I looked at him. Giles was serious. Even if he were caught and shot by the soldiers stationed at the border, he intended to get me outside the border.
“Do you want to go abroad, Anna?”
Giles asked. He had a look on his face as if he would put me in a car and drive to the border right this second, so I couldn't answer immediately.
“I'm not saying I want to go right now.”
“...If anything happens, tell me immediately. I'll help you.”
“I know.”
I sipped the tea, which was slowly cooling, and glanced at him. The light from the cheap heater cast a red glow on his face. Looking at his stern face reflected in the flickering fire, I imagined Giles's past.
Did he have that same expression when he brought down the nobles in the name of revolution and burned their mansions?
I couldn't imagine him as a person so cruel and vicious that he would earn the hatred of all of Beldam. He had never shown such a side to me.
Suddenly remembering something, I spoke up.
“I think it's better to cancel that plan. Let's not go abroad.”
“Why is that?”
“Because you'll die if you go abroad.”
At that, Giles's eyebrows twitched as if he had realized something again, and he let out a long breath. He seemed to have momentarily forgotten the fact that the moment he stepped abroad, he would be as good as dead.
“I suppose we'll need another plan then.”
“If you can no longer live in Ipswin, that's the only way.”
“Will you be alright?”
Giles's gaze landed on me. After looking at my face for a moment, he gave a faint smile.
“Even if I'm not alright, I'll survive until the end, so don't worry.”
The tea was becoming lukewarm. The heater's light glowed brightly in a deeper hue. It was proof that darkness was slowly settling in.
“Do you feel a bit more at ease now?”
He asked. Giles had a much brighter expression, but I wondered if he was just pretending. It was always like that. Sometimes, it felt like he didn't want me to discover that he was a man with a dark side.
I shrugged.
“A little.”
“You'll feel better after a good night's sleep.”
“What if I have a nightmare?”
“...I'll stay by your side. If you want me to, of course.”
Giles added quickly. The way he then stole a glance at my reaction was somehow funny and pitiful, and I let out a small laugh.
I laid down on a cushion on the floor and looked at the ceiling. Of course, in the house half-submerged in darkness, there was almost nothing clearly visible in my sight. Except for one person.
My gaze drifted toward Giles, who was sitting there blankly. Looking up from below, he looked different again. Perhaps feeling burdened by my gaze that lingered longer than expected, he asked first.
“What is it?”
“Are you just going to keep sitting there?”
He looked confused, as if he hadn't grasped the intention of my question. It felt as if the words 'Then what should I be doing?' were written in large letters across his face.
“This is your home.”
“And?”
“It means I can't just act however I want.”
“Why are you acting so formal all of a sudden? We had sex here just a few days ago.”
I had thrown the words out without much thought, but Giles jumped in surprise, his earlobes turning red.
“Anna!”
“Did I say something wrong?”
“It's not that...”
He seemed to want to protest, but eventually gave up, rubbing his forehead and sighing deeply. Seeing the man who could be so aggressive during the act suddenly become shy afterward was both funny and made me feel somewhat mischievous.
“You know, about what you said earlier, about staying by my side.”
“...What about it?”
“You don't mean you want to do it again here, do you?”
Ah, I think I crossed the line a bit with this joke. Giles glared at me with a reproachful look that seemed quite aggrieved, so I decided to stop there.
“Alright, alright. It was a joke, so don't be mad.”
“I'm not mad.”
“Let's just say that. Anyway, don't just sit there making me feel awkward; come warm up the spot next to me. The air is cold, and it's bothering me.”
“I turned the heater on.”
“Giles.”
Inevitably, he took off his uncomfortable uniform jacket. Lying next to me in just a white shirt, he looked somewhat awkward. He wasn't like this when we were on the bed. However, I held back, fearing that if I mentioned the bed one more time, Giles might bolt out of the house.
“You look like someone lying in a coffin.”
“This is how I usually lie down.”
“Are you really going to stay here all night?”
“You said you were worried about having nightmares. Then I have to be by your side. Someone has to wake you up from the nightmare.”
Hearing him say those words while lying next to me without his uniform made me feel much more at peace. He certainly looks better when he's not wearing the uniform. It's as if he looks lighter, as if he has set down a weight that was crushing his entire body.
“When I had to overcome nightmares alone, I had my own method. For example, if someone was chasing me to kill me in a dream, I could realize it immediately. That this wasn't reality, but a nightmare. Then I would mutter to myself that it was just a dream and pinch my body wildly.”
“Did that actually work?”
“Once you realize it's a dream, waking up is easy.”
“Don't do that. At least tonight, you don't need to.”
I moved my hand aimlessly, playing a light prank, when I suddenly felt myself touch something soft. It was his hand. A hand larger and more angular than mine. I instinctively held his hand. At that, he flinched awkwardly within my grasp.
Did I do something unnecessary? Just as I thought that and was about to let go, this time he was the one to grab my hand first and interlace our fingers. This time, neither of us let go.
I carefully explored the shape of his hand and how many calluses he had. It was the quintessential hand of a young master who had never done a day of hard labor in his life.
Lying next to the heater while holding his hand, drowsiness eventually washed over me. It felt like Giles was saying something next to me, but I could no longer hear it clearly. I tossed and turned under the blanket he had covered me with.
But even in that state, I could hear one phrase clearly.
Good night, Anna.
I love you.
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