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LOS 55
In the end, he lost his temper and shouted. It was the first time Giles had ever raised his voice at me. Of course, this was the first time he had ever treated me so cruelly. Seeing my heart ache, it seemed I really had given my heart to him. If I were an ordinary person, I would have responded with a scoff.
But I couldn't do that with him.
The fact that I had recklessly given my heart to another, and the fact that that person had finally committed an act that should never have been done to me, returned as a devastatingly miserable reality.
“......Every moment I spent waiting for you here, I felt like I was dying. I couldn't even breathe properly. It's not that I didn't understand what you were saying. I'm telling you that I might die before others can kill me.”
Giles turned his head away, looking conflicted. Please, if only he could understand how I felt. Even if it was late, I felt it wouldn't matter as long as he realized that this wasn't the best way.
“Please...... you shouldn't be doing this to me.”
Giles remained silent, but I could tell he was deeply contemplating whether he should grant my request. After a short yet long period of time, he looked at me again.
The moment our eyes met, the traces of deep conflict in his pupils vanished with terrifying speed. Only cold, cruelly dark black eyes stared back at me.
Eventually, Giles drew a line with a frigid voice.
“It will be safer if you are under my control.”
“Giles.”
“Stay here until I give you permission. I will do my best to ensure you stay comfortably.”
“No, don't do this!”
He closed the door heartlessly and left. The sound of the key turning echoed vividly in my ears. I tried to grab and turn the doorknob before he could fully lock it, but the door was already locked.
I beat the door desperately and screamed.
“Open it! Open the door! Giles, open it while I'm still asking nicely!”
Of course, I knew he would never change his mind. I realized it the moment I saw the look in his eyes. I was no longer his lover. He was treating me like a mission that had to be completed.
So, I stopped my useless resistance and slumped down. Now that I was alone again, my body began to tremble. While claiming to want my safety, he chose to lock the door and leave instead of staying by my side for even a moment longer.
Now, I don't even know what to love or what to believe.
-
“Are you sure you'll be alright?”
She asked. The question "will you be alright" likely held many different meanings. Giles wasn't confident in giving a definitive answer to such a complex question, but he nodded.
The one thing he was certain of was that Celeste would be fine. Thanks to Giles betraying his homeland, they had survived. While Giles served as an officer in the Revolutionary Army, the leadership would guarantee Celeste's identity.
That fact alone made everything alright.
“Don't worry and go.”
“How do you plan to live all alone?”
“I'm not a child, Celeste.”
His sister, her shining blonde hair tied back in a single ponytail, looked as if she were about to burst into tears. Celeste, who once had a large wardrobe filled with high-quality clothes befitting the scale of the wealth their family enjoyed, now possessed nothing more than what was in that small suitcase.
However, Giles knew that Celeste wasn't upset because she had lost her fortune.
“There's nothing wrong with staying together.”
“Think about the things I'll have to do from now on. I won't even be able to look my sister in the eye. And I won't look like an ordinary younger brother to you anymore.”
“What on earth does that mean? Are you afraid I'll grow to hate you, Giles?”
“Please, stop being stubborn.”
“You're the one who should think about it once more. Whether it's right for me to leave you.”
“Are you sure you won't hate me? From now on, I will be killing many of the people we've known. Some of them will be your friends, and even our relatives might become targets. Imagine if I came back after killing Bettina! Do you think you could still pretend everything is fine then?”
Celeste seemed quite shocked by his words. However, quickly regaining her composure, she spoke in a trembling voice.
“That's not what's important. Think about it, Giles. Think about what we have left. Look around. Nothing remains. Even the house we grew up in since we were children......”
Overcome with emotion, Celeste paused for a moment, covering her mouth with one hand. Her voice was now laced with tears.
“It all burned down...... it's gone. All we have left now is each other. We've never had to live alone. We don't know anything about such a lonely life. That's why we must stay by each other's side even more. Later on, we might not even know if the other is alive or dead. What will you do then?”
Giles gripped Celeste's hand firmly. He hoped his sister would find courage. He hoped she would become strong enough to shake off her lingering attachment to the only family she had left.
“You'll be fine. And so will I.”
“How do you know that......”
“The very fact that you're acting like this now is proof that I'm holding you back. Break free from me. And live freely. Go somewhere no one knows you and do the things you want. I betrayed everyone to give you that kind of life. If you understand that, please grant my request.”
Celeste could no longer say anything. After crying for a long time while holding onto Giles, she boarded a carriage heading to a place known only to her, carrying her suitcase. That was the last time. Giles never saw Celeste again.
He didn't want to meet her, and he hoped that in no way would she be swept up in the things he did.
He simply wanted her to enjoy her freedom alone.
That was the one and only wish Giles had. To give his sister freedom. To let her enjoy a plain and humble life without being swept away by the tidal wave of war or revolution.
In fact, Giles believed that Celeste was living well. Because he had promised her life in exchange for handing over all the assets he possessed.
He thought that while she might shed tears now, one day she would marry and build a comfortable home.
Years passed, and a winter arrived where white snow fell relentlessly.
Now, Celeste lay beneath Giles's body, covered in blood. Half of her face was charred black, and the other half looked so different from the Celeste he once knew that she seemed like a completely different person.
Hoping she would gain freedom, he had sent her away to a distant world. No, to be precise, he believed he had given her freedom.
Celeste's gaze, which had been staring into the void like a dead fish, shifted toward Giles.
“Why didn't you hold onto me?”
“Celeste.”
“You said you'd give me freedom. After sending me away alone, did you not even care how I was living? You just forgot about me, didn't you? You just wanted to clear me out of your sight?”
“I'm sorry...... I'm sorry, Celeste......”
“If you had kept me by your side, this wouldn't have happened. It's all your fault. All your fault. I did nothing wrong. If there was someone who had to die, it should have been you.”
Giles could not bring himself to answer. He looked down at his sister's corpse, tears streaming endlessly. Celeste was right. His complacency was the cause of her death. Because of Giles...... Celeste died.
When he opened his eyes again, the appearance of the corpse had changed slightly. Celeste was already gone. Instead, the person lying there was Anna.
A startled Giles shouted Anna's name.
“Anna, Anna! Wake up!”
But Anna never opened her eyes. The cold corpse soon turned into snowflakes and scattered in the wind. Now, there was no one left by Giles's side.
The decision to grant freedom, believing that everything would be alright and nothing would happen, had ultimately killed Celeste. In a way, it was a predetermined fate. Giles wasn't even an equal member of the Revolutionary Army. No matter how loyal he had been, he was the bloodline of a Beldam landowner, destined to be discarded one day.
In their eyes, Celeste would have been nothing more than a woman from Beldam in the end.
His sister was right. He should have kept her by his side. If he truly wanted to protect her, that would have been the right thing to do.
Why didn't I make that decision?
The experience of losing a precious person once was enough. He could not go through the same thing twice.
Now, the only person left by his side was Anna. He was also the only one who could protect her. No matter what Anna said, he had to keep her safe. Even if she wailed and poured curses upon him, it couldn't be helped.
Because freedom could no longer save anyone.
Anna's survival was equivalent to Giles's own survival. Rather than seeing Anna die, it was far better to earn her hatred.
He knew. He knew that Anna extremely hated being trapped in enclosed spaces. Anna would shed tears inside. Perhaps, just like the days when they first met at the mansion in Salzburg, she might hate Giles once again.
Even so, Giles was prepared to accept it. Wouldn't it be better to see her live while hating him than to hear the final whispers of love from a dying Anna?
He believed that would be more beneficial for Anna as well.
When you die, nothing remains.
When Anna fainted, and he saw with his own eyes her white dress being soaked in blood, Giles finally felt certain once more.
He did not want Anna to die.
No matter what price had to be sacrificed.
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