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“Rose.”
Ray called her name, as if urging her to respond to her silence.
There was a time when she felt that if he called her name like that, she could answer anything. That she could give him whatever answer he desired, no matter what it was. But now, it only brought her pain.
When Rose still didn't answer, Ray pulled her away from his chest and gripped her shoulders.
The way Ray looked into her eyes was strange. It wasn't that he was simply looking at her; it was as if he were searching for something within her eyes.
“Even if this is resolved, something similar will happen again.”
His expression hardened at Rose's words.
“Don't you start doing this too.”
The words that came out were as cold as his expression.
“This isn't helping.”
It was no longer surprising to hear that she wasn't helpful. Had she ever been helpful?
However, Rose knew of one way she could be of help.
“There is a way I can solve this, Ray.”
A very simple way.
“You can just divorce me.”
The moment she finished speaking, Ray's face distorted. In a way Rose had never even imagined.
It was an expression she had never seen throughout their entire marriage.
Startled by the reaction, Rose lost her words and stared at the man with the unfamiliar face.
A heavy silence flowed between them for a long time.
“You think that's a good solution.”
When he finally replied slowly after a while, Ray's face had returned to its usual expressionless state.
“At least you would be free from the criticism.”
Ray, who had been staring silently at Rose, gave a small laugh.
The sudden laugh, so out of place for the situation, gave her a chill.
“No, Rose. That is not a good solution.”
Refuting her in a monotonous tone, Ray stood up from the bed.
“It's the easiest and most pathetic way.”
He gave a crooked smile as he hurriedly unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt with restless hands.
“Divorce? That's nothing more than admitting failure. If you're going to suggest something like that as a 'good way,' I'd rather you just stop thinking altogether.”
“Ray.”
Rose called his name as if pleading.
“Please, just listen to me.”
He still wasn't seeing the situation clearly.
She remembered something the Prince of Orturan had mentioned about him during a rugby match once.
That the more obstacles there were, the more his competitive spirit flared.
This marriage wasn't a game where someone won or lost, nor was it a task with a result of success or failure.
It was merely a trap and a swamp that held Ray's ankles. It had been planned that way from the start, and it functioned only as such.
If so, the wisest course of action was for him to escape this mire as quickly as possible.
“I can't keep living as your burden.”
And the same went for Rose. She could no longer live like this.
“If you solve it, it just becomes another debt I owe you, so how can I...”
“Don't act like this is something new when it's been happening for days.”
Shocked by the utterly cold rebuke, Rose's mouth shut instinctively.
“I'm doing it because I can solve it. If you're not much help, then at least get used to that fact.”
The flat tone, devoid of any particular inflection, hurt her even more.
To get used to such a fact—was he telling her to live the rest of her life feeling like a debtor?
“That's why I'm saying I'll make it so you don't have to do things like that anymore!”
Eventually, Rose raised her voice as well.
“You were the one who called me a public flaw, Ray. I can't even deny those words. How could I, looking at the current situation?”
Even when they were on good terms, those words never left Rose's mind.
“You intended to divorce me anyway. You even prepared the papers! So why won't you?”
Finally, the sorrow she had hidden deep in her heart and ignored came spilling out.
Ray seemed surprised for a moment when Rose mentioned the divorce papers, but even that vanished completely after a short while.
“Everything is prepared, so why not? It's okay if you want it, but not when I want it?”
“Yes.”
A firm answer came back.
“Not right now. Absolutely not.”
“Then when will it be okay?”
A cold smile played on Ray's lips as he looked down at Rose.
“When? If you're going to call this a debt, at least do the math correctly.”
Ray poured out cold words once again.
“What do you plan to do about what has already happened? Is it over just because you divorce and feel relieved?”
Rose couldn't understand what he was talking about.
How could he say she was feeling relieved?
It was simply the conclusion she had reached for his sake.
“How do you plan to take responsibility for making my life like this, for ruining it this way?”
The words that she had ruined his life sounded more painful than any other.
“Even if you mortgage your life and your father's life, it's not enough. It's far from enough. And yet, you think divorcing and running away—pulling yourself out of this mess—is your best choice?”
A cold finger lifted her chin.
“No, your calculations are wrong, Rose.”
The blue eyes staring at her were familiar. He had looked at her like that often before.
“What responsibility are you taking through divorce? What debt are you paying back? I don't see it at all.”
When Rose couldn't bring herself to answer, Ray laughed as if he had expected it. With a cruel laugh, his hand released her chin.
“Right, so don't talk as if you have a choice, Rose.”
Contrary to his soft tone, his hand was rough as he snatched the tie from the bedside table.
“I decide what happens to this marriage.”
With those final words, Ray left the bedroom.
Left alone, Rose sank onto the bed, repeatedly recalling his words.
Divorce might not have been a way to wipe away the debt she owed him, but wasn't it at least a way to stop incurring more?
Why was even that not allowed?
Was living by his side forever, accepting such a position, what it meant to take responsibility?
To Rose, that felt more like revenge. Because the expression on his face when he said she had ruined his life was menacing. Perhaps it meant she had to pay the price.
That divorce was an escape.
As she watched the person she loved fall into the mud because of her, everything—her pride, her dignity, her entire life—was crumbling, yet he told her not to run away.
He criticized the choice she made because she couldn't breathe, calling it an easy and pathetic method.
Only then did Rose realize.
She could not love a man like this, a man who thought in such a way. She could not do something so reckless and dangerous, something so foolish, something destined only for pain.
The current Rose could no longer endure such wounds.
* * *
Returning to the study, Ray took the divorce papers from the drawer and tore them to pieces. They were documents whose existence he had long forgotten.
Even as he looked at the pile of shredded paper, his anger showed no sign of subsiding.
Ray took out a cigarette and lit it, trying to calm his mind with a puff, but it was of little use.
“You can just divorce me.”
She had uttered those words so easily.
Unlike him, who, even in this state, could never consider such a thing.
I am rolling around in this kind of mire because I cannot let go of you, because I cannot give up on you.
How can you give up on me so quickly, first of all?
How can you do it so easily?
The sense of betrayal and anger he felt at those words shook him to his core. It was an emotion he was experiencing for the first time in his life.
How could she even mention divorce? As if she had been waiting for this moment. As if she had been waiting for a good excuse.
A debt.
The fact that she compared a husband solving his wife's problems—something that should be natural—to borrowing and paying back a debt further fueled his anger.
If she truly thought of it as a debt, would she then let herself be held hostage forever?
When he thought of her face, which had turned pale at the words he poured out, his fierce anger subsided for a moment, but...
But he did not regret it.
It was better to be a bastard who held on than a fool who lost the woman.
To prevent her from having such pathetic thoughts, he could press her and threaten her as much as he wanted. He could employ any method. Willingly.
Should he have had a child sooner after all?
No, he should have burdened her with a real debt. So that she could never pull away.
Ray, who had been thinking incessantly, stopped for a moment. The lit cigarette burned silently in the hand of the frozen man.
After a while, Ray let out a self-deprecating laugh.
He couldn't believe the thoughts he was having.
That he would willingly use such low-level methods. That he could think such things without any hesitation.
Who on earth was this man?
He felt so foreign to himself.
He felt he would pay any price if he could return to who he was before. But "before" was a time when that woman no longer existed in his life.
He couldn't imagine it. Even though Rose had been in his life for barely eight months.
Ray rubbed his face roughly, put the cigarette back in his mouth, and inhaled the smoke.
That woman had made him this way.
She made it so he couldn't live as himself, gave him this kind of terrible feeling, and now she says she will leave him alone here.
How could he hate her so much while simultaneously hating the idea of losing her?
He felt like he was going crazy.
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