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“Just bear with it a little longer.”
Ray spoke soothingly, kissing the nape of her neck.
But no answer came.
“Rose.”
When he lifted his head, he saw the woman staring blankly at him.
“Ray. My mind hasn't changed.”
With an expression that looked faintly sorrowful, Rose gently cupped his cheek.
“We have to get a divorce. As soon as possible.”
Then, without hesitation, she plunged him into a bottomless mire.
She spoke horrific words in the most beautiful of voices.
In his entire life, he had never tried to soothe someone or pleaded with anyone like this.
And yet, she couldn't even manage to hold on just a little longer.
He felt ridiculous for even attempting such an effort. At the same time he intensely desired the woman, he hated her just as much.
“You want to say that after doing this until just a moment ago?”
Ray sneered, rubbing his lips where her traces remained.
“Or was this just a piece of charity—letting me have my fill before you toss me aside?”
Rose let out a hollow laugh and removed her hand from his cheek.
“Yes. I thought you might grant me a divorce once you'd done everything you wanted to do.”
Her utterly indifferent voice ignited Ray's rage.
“Is that so?”
Ray's fingers undid the ribbon fastening Rose's pajamas.
With her pajamas quickly flung open, Ray slowly kneaded her clearly visible breasts with a mocking smirk.
“I wonder how far I can let you go.”
Rose, who had only been biting her lip under his gaze, finally let out a moan as his fingers rubbed her peak.
The fact that a woman speaking of divorce still reacted to him gave him a sliver of relief and satisfaction. But soon, he felt a sense of self-loathing for feeling such things over something so trivial.
“If this is charity, why don't you make louder noises? At least to get me excited.”
Wearing malice like armor, Ray looked down calmly as Rose's face flushed at his words.
The expression—a mixture of arousal, shame, and anger—was beautiful. Even in this state, she looked beautiful. Beautiful enough that he wanted to keep possessing her.
“I guess you can't provide that level of service?”
Bending down to press his forehead against Rose's, Ray whispered mockingly while touching her damp underwear.
He hated his own pathetic state—insisting on confirming the moisture and feeling her reaction directly just to reassure himself—but at the same time, he wanted to hurt her just as much.
“……You bastard.”
Ray laughed as if he had heard a term of endearment at the small curse that leaked through her moans.
“If I'm going to do everything I want, you'll never leave this bedroom for the rest of your life. Naturally, you won't be able to get a divorce either.”
Feeling Rose tremble under his touch, Ray began to fuss with his lips against her white neck again.
The desire to embrace and kiss her right now coexisted with the desire to insult and wound her. He wanted Rose to know the misery he was feeling.
“Do you still want to say things like that? If you're willing to warm my bed for a lifetime, I have no reason to refuse. Besides, you seem to be enjoying it quite a bit.”
However, when he saw her lift both arms to cover her face as if she could no longer endure his words, his stubbornness crumbled miserably.
By a single gesture of Rose's.
Angry at himself for failing to even torment her properly, Ray fastened her pajamas and sat up.
A deep sense of emptiness washed over him, realizing he had fallen to this level.
“What on earth is the reason for this? I told you to just wait a little longer, so why can't you even do that?”
Rose was still covering her face.
Whether she wanted to hide herself or avoid him.
“I said I'll handle it. Why can't you trust me and treat me like this?”
It was just as Ray let out a sigh, roughly wiping his mouth.
Rose, who had been lying helplessly on the bed, suddenly bolted upright.
“Right, I can't trust you. What is there to trust?”
Then, she glared at him with bloodshot eyes and snapped.
“The fact that you like my body? Should I believe that? The fact that you've spent our entire marriage thinking only of divorcing me? What exactly am I supposed to believe?”
Ray let out a hollow laugh.
He couldn't believe a Rose who remembered only those things.
In the moments he remembered, it wasn't just those things.
“……Is that all you've felt while being by my side?”
Rose treated all of it as if it had never happened.
The conversations they shared, the laughter.
It seemed there was not a single reason for Rose to remain by his side.
“Do you even have a reason to insist on this marriage? Other than your pride, there's no other reason.”
Ray vowed.
That he would never, ever show his heart to this cruel woman.
If she truly had feelings for him, she couldn't have abandoned him or given up on him so easily.
There was no way she wouldn't make even a small effort to endure.
However, all this resentment failed to leave his lips.
Because Ray finally realized who the opponent was in this stagnant battle.
Even if he spoke his heart now, the woman before him would never give the same answer back.
He was fighting not to let her go, but the woman herself wasn't trying to fight at all. There was no way the same answer would return.
He couldn't be a fool who spoke knowing the answer would be different. He couldn't become a loser like that. The only solution was to not reach a conclusion.
“If you know that, then cooperate. I told you clearly, the role you have to play in this marriage.”
He spoke, hiding every emotion thoroughly.
“You just have to stay still. I'll take care of everything.”
At that moment, Rose's face completely collapsed.
Ray was lost for words at the sight of her helpless face, exposing her wounds in their entirety.
Compared to the other things he had said, it wasn't particularly sharp. He couldn't even guess why she had been so deeply pierced by it.
“I understand. It's all my fault.”
Rose whispered after a long while. Her voice was so small that he barely heard it at first.
Thin tears streamed from her eyes.
“Marrying you... it's all my fault. I made a rash choice. I admit it. That's why I said I'd take responsibility. How much more must I be punished... before you'll be satisfied?”
Once the tears burst, they seemed to have no intention of stopping.
Ray stared blankly at Rose's tears, which he had never seen before.
The transparent tears flowing incessantly down the woman's cheeks tore his heart to pieces. Every stream felt as if it were a knife stabbing into his chest.
The vivid pain left him unable to even speak. He couldn't utter a single word.
“Seeing you act like this, what do you want me to do? Live like a sinner, feeling sorry until the day I die? Or be eternally grateful whenever you do something for me?”
Rose muttered like a madwoman.
“You can't handle me anyway. That's why you told me not to do it in front of others—only in this bedroom, this bed, this balcony! You said I could do whatever I wanted here.”
Every moment where Ray had felt comfort and fulfillment felt different coming from her mouth. As if they had no value.
“Everyone hates me. I hate myself too. When I'm by your side, I hate myself so much, I can't stand how much I loathe myself.”
Rose now buried her face in her hands and began to sob.
The sorrowful sound of crying, the voice trembling mercilessly, gouged at his chest. It was an excruciating pain.
He couldn't accept the fact that he was the one who had made a woman who never cried break down like this.
Even while his wife was stabbing him haphazardly without realizing it, Ray reflexively placed a hand on her shoulder. Because her small body looked as if it would collapse from the exhaustion of crying.
“If I weren't your wife, I wouldn't be hated like this. I wouldn't need to hate myself this much.”
Even so, Ray still didn't know how to let Rose go.
Even if she broke, if she broke within his reach, wouldn't that be okay?
He felt his chest becoming damp with her tears.
The relief of holding her in his arms and the self-loathing that he was the one making her cry so sorrowfully consumed him simultaneously, stifling his breath.
“I can't stay by your side. I don't want to be by your side.”
“Fine. Hate me.”
Ray, swallowing his agony, answered calmly.
“Just... get used to hating me. Once you're used to it, you can endure it.”
He didn't know if she heard him, as Rose's faint sobbing continued.
“Because I've already gotten used to it. To this kind of situation.”
Ray muttered with a bitter laugh.
Was he not also enduring himself, clinging so miserably to a woman who didn't want him?
Therefore, Rose would be able to do it too.
The sound of weeping echoed in the bedroom for a long time.
* * *
Lying in bed, Rose thought she didn't know if it was day or night, or what date it was today.
After pouring everything out to Ray and crying, she had fallen into a dead sleep. In recent days, when her insomnia had worsened and her sleep had become irregular, it was the first long sleep she'd had in a while.
It didn't seem like Ray understood her.
She truly had no strength left to endure, so why did he keep telling her to hold on?
It seemed he intended to show that he could win the general election even while carrying her like a piece of luggage.
Whenever she was awake, the words he had said and the expressions he had made pierced her sharply. The way he had casually shamed her.
She simply couldn't reject him. She was just weak to his touch, but he treated it as charity bestowed without knowing his place.
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