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He could never tell a woman like this how he truly felt. What meaning could his love possibly have?
He realized that no matter what he said, it would mean nothing to Rose.
Sitting with both arms resting on his thighs, Ray gazed at the woman lying there like a dead person.
At a face he hated more than anything.
It was then that Ray made his decision.
He would divorce her. He would let her go.
He didn't have the confidence to face Rose again.
She was a woman who had abandoned him and fled without a shred of hesitation. She was a woman who had avenged herself against him in the worst and most terrible way possible.
He would never be able to look at her face, to meet her eyes, without feeling betrayal and rage.
Because he would spend the rest of his life terrified that she might run away like this again.
He could not live like that.
* * *
When she first opened her eyes, she thought she saw Ray.
But it was only for a fleeting moment, and when she opened them again, the first thing she saw was Ben, his eyes bloodshot. Eyes full of worry met hers.
“Rose!”
Ben cried out, clutching her hand.
“Are you okay?”
She had no idea why Ben was here. However, when she tried to speak, her throat felt incredibly sore and there was a strange sensation of something foreign in it.
“Ben.”
Strangely, her voice was hoarse.
“Don’t force yourself to talk. Drink some water. They said your throat would hurt because of the gastric lavage.”
Gastric lavage?
Ben helped the confused Rose sit up and held a glass of water to her lips. As she drank the warm water, warmth returned to her body.
“As I thought... you didn't do it on purpose, right?”
Ben asked cautiously, carefully examining Rose's face.
“They said you were unconscious for a full day. Because you took too many sleeping pills...”
Ben trailed off and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Looking closely, his eyes were swollen.
Rose frowned and drank more water. She remembered taking the sleeping pills last, but the rest was blurry.
But it was clear there wasn't much to remember.
For nearly several days, she hadn't been able to sleep, and throughout her waking hours, she had been in a state of near-madness, hearing voices she hated incessantly.
It had been too long since her days had passed without any meaning for her to remember anything specifically.
She had a vague memory of swallowing the prescribed sleeping pills in a desperate desire to just sleep.
“You really didn't mean to do that, did you?”
Ben asked in a trembling voice.
Of course, she hadn't intended to. In the first place, she hadn't been thinking clearly when she did it.
But...
She felt that it might have been better if she hadn't woken up. It was a thought she had been having every day lately.
That if she couldn't escape this place, if she couldn't return to Bolton, she would rather lose consciousness like this or fall into a sleep from which she would never wake. That she wanted to forget reality.
So there was a way.
Rose suddenly became frightened of herself at the unconscious thought.
“Rose.”
Ben's face was full of fear as he called her name urgently. Only when Rose reflexively shook her head did he finally look relieved.
Soon, Dr. Halo entered and examined her carefully.
After checking for a while, the doctor set down his stethoscope.
“There are no separate injuries to the esophagus, so your voice will return to normal soon. Your pulse is also normal.”
Agatha and Beth, who had entered with the doctor, let out sighs of relief.
“Your stomach might be a bit sore, so take this medicine for the time being. Do not take any sleeping pills.”
Once the doctor finished prescribing the medication and left the bedroom, Agatha approached her as if she had been waiting.
“Rose, really!”
Agatha raised her voice, but then breathed out, seemingly conscious of the people around them.
“No matter how distraught you are, how could you do such a thing! Do you know how shocked everyone was?”
“...I'm sorry.”
Upon hearing Rose's wretched voice, Agatha's expression softened noticeably. Moving closer, she hesitated before speaking.
“By any chance, did you...”
She couldn't bring herself to finish the question, but Rose, catching on, shook her head. Agatha let out an explicit sigh of relief.
“Yes, I knew you would never do such a thing.”
After Beth said a few kind words, the mother and daughter left the bedroom. It seemed to be a consideration to let her spend more time alone with Ben.
“What about your school?”
Rose asked, clutching her head, which still felt somewhat dazed. She felt as if her thoughts weren't flowing and were instead breaking off.
“You're curious about that in this situation?”
Ben shouted, sounding incredulous.
“I started going back a while ago. It's much better. My dormitory roommate has changed too...”
That was at least some good news.
“And Duke Crawford visited the school recently. I think he came on purpose.”
At the mention of Ray, her heart sank instantly.
“He didn't do much, just spent a little time with me and left, but since then, the kids have stopped picking on me as much.”
He had cleaned up after her again. Even though he was already such a busy man.
Ben looked worriedly at Rose, whose face had suddenly darkened.
“Um, Rose. Duke Crawford seemed very shocked. He's not at the mansion right now, but they said he stayed by your side until you first regained consciousness.”
The more she thought of Ray, the heavier her heart became. It was to avoid this feeling that she had tried to run away all along.
The last piece of news she had learned was that Ray had decided to take responsibility for the victims' restitution until the end.
Since most of her father's assets had already been seized, they would likely go to the victims, and it seemed Ray had also proactively given some of her dowry to several nobles.
Because the nobles had moved their deposits fearing they might be taxed, the amount was large compared to the number of victims.
“He worried a lot about how you'd spend your time in a place like this, but it seems the Dowager and others cherish you more than expected.”
Rose nodded silently.
They were truly doing their best for her. That only made her feel more apologetic.
“It's really hard, isn't it? But public opinion is gradually dying down. Honestly, I wondered what would happen, but Duke Crawford is truly impressive. More and more people are flocking to his speeches. I heard there was almost an accident last time because too many people gathered.”
While Ben incessantly told her about the state of the world to comfort her, Rose sat still and thought of Ray.
In reality, half of those stories were about how hard Ray was working in various ways to resolve this situation, so it couldn't be called a distraction.
Did he misunderstand too? That she had taken the pills on purpose.
The thought that he might think so weighed on her mind.
After pondering for a moment, Rose soon brushed the thought aside.
Agatha would tell Ray anyway.
And... wasn't it somewhat true that she had hoped not to wake up?
She was far too exhausted to think any deeper. Not long after waking, an immense fatigue washed over her body.
“Are you tired? The doctor said you might feel sleepy or have memory gaps for a few days.”
Ben asked in a worried tone as Rose leaned her head back and closed her eyes tightly.
With Ben's support, Rose lay back down on the bed.
Before long, her eyes closed, and when she opened them again, another day had passed.
The fog in her head had cleared to some extent, and the soreness in her throat had almost disappeared.
However, Ray Crawford did not come to her bedroom for several days.
Rose was actually relieved by that fact. Because she no longer knew what on earth she should say upon seeing his face.
She couldn't even imagine what expression he would have while looking at her. She feared he would view her as a pathetic person who couldn't even endure this much.
Or that he would criticize her, asking how she could do such a thing. She had never intended to remind him of her father.
While Rose worried about what to say, knowing she couldn't avoid seeing him forever, Ray continued not to come.
It was four days after she woke up that a lawyer arrived with divorce papers instead of Ray.
The documents were perfectly prepared.
* * *
“No matter how urgent the matter is, why don't you adjust your schedule and get some rest?”
Agatha asked in a worried voice as Ray checked his tie in the mirror, which a servant had tied for him.
“Are you even sleeping properly these days? I'm getting anxious just watching you.”
Ray checked his face in the mirror.
He looked sharp because he had lost weight, but his appearance was neat, so there were no major issues. Since the campaign was mostly outdoors, people wouldn't notice much under the light.
“Hasn't your drinking increased too much?”
“And Mother's nagging has increased too.”
Even seeing Ray respond nonchalantly, Agatha's momentum did not fade.
“Why aren't you looking at Rose's face? If you're going to go and see her secretly at night, you might as well see her directly and talk to her.”
Ray, who was finely adjusting the position of his tie, stiffened for a moment at those words.
How on earth did she find that out?
“If you're going to divorce, you should at least look her in the eye and talk. She's leaving this evening.”
“I'm busy because the voting has started.”
The general election voting was scheduled to take place for a week starting today.
“...Do you really have to try so hard to pretend everything is fine?”
“How novel. You're the one who taught me to do that.”
“I know Dr. Halo visited. I happened to see it and questioned him, so don't scold the poor man.”
Ray was no longer surprised that his mother found out things he hadn't told her, and he prepared to leave the dressing room.
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