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I leaned back, trying to escape Cerden, who was getting closer and closer. Cerden's shadow loomed over me as I lay almost flat on the sofa.
Cerden looked pleased. He wore the face of a victor. His fingers brushed my cheek.
His hand was hot.
"...Cerden."
I called him, though he said nothing. I gripped Cerden's shoulders tightly. The thin shirt crumpled messily beneath my palms.
This was like... like he was going to kiss me.
I tried to avoid Cerden's eyes but was caught. I couldn't turn my head, even though I couldn't feel any pressure from the hand that gripped my chin. Cerden whispered softly.
"Don't be scared. Because... it makes me want to devour you."
"What does that mean?"
I asked, feeling like I was about to cry.
"It means I'm happy."
It didn't seem like it at all.
But what really annoyed me was that I was relieved by Cerden's reaction. He didn't seem angry at all.
Rather, his smile deepened. A surge of emotion welled up. Maybe it was relief.
Cerden didn't hate me. He didn't seem like he was going to kill me. He didn't seem like he would let me die.
If he had, he wouldn't have saved me from Duke Spelman.
"Hngh..."
I let out a sob without realizing it. I was even embarrassed by the tears that fell.
"Are you crying?"
Cerden rubbed my cheek with his finger.
"I'm the one who wants to cry."
"I, I'm not, I wasn't, originally... someone who cries this, this easily..."
I was so pathetic. Whether I was acting like an idiot or now, I was still weak and like a pathetic child in front of Cerden.
Cerden lowered his head and lightly touched his lips to my forehead. His lips were so hot.
"It's not that you want to cry..."
Cerden caressed my cheek. As if he didn't care. What did this all mean?
Why was the touch that stroked my hair last dawn so warm?
Why was the voice that whispered it was okay, as if I didn't have to say anything, so kind?
Cerden, what are you giving me?
"Why..."
My fingers dug into Cerden's shoulders. My voice trembled slightly.
"Why... why are you doing this?"
Cerden wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumb.
"Why are you being so nice to me? What's okay?"
My vision brightened and blurred repeatedly.
"I'm not okay at all. Aren't you going to kick me out? Aren't you going to, going to kill me?"
Gasping for breath, I poured out the words that had been building up in my chest. Once I started revealing what I had been hiding, I couldn't stop.
"Are you suspecting me of being Duke Spelman's spy? Do you really think I'm that kind of person? Do I, does my father, seem like such a good person to me? Is all the effort I've made so far nothing?"
Cerden listened to me without saying a word. The finger rubbing my eyes was hot.
"Stop crying."
"Tell me. You told me to stop acting. You know everything, right."
At that moment, Cerden kissed my eyelids. It was as hot as being burned. I stared blankly at Cerden. It was something I hadn't expected.
Why would you...
Unresolved questions were piling up.
"Why..."
"I won't kill you, I said I won't."
Cerden muttered in a slightly weakened voice. Thud.
Cerden stretched out over me. A heavy weight pressed down on me. Our bodies became entangled. I felt like my tears were drying up.
"I've already killed so many people. What reason do I have to kill one more of you? What have you done to harm me?"
His voice was weaker than usual. Cerden's breath tickled my neck.
"I know your efforts."
Cerden muttered.
"Evelyn, I know that you are on my side."
At those words, the strength drained from my body as well. He knows? He knows that I've been on your side?
He won't kill me...?
Those words were comforting. Cerden, who was still holding me, relaxed his shoulders.
The shirt hem tangled in my fingers scattered.
"I know you protected me. I also know you protected my family."
He really knows everything...
I thought it was frustrating. I thought that no one would recognize my actions, and that I would be killed if I was caught. I thought there would be no one to tell.
I felt like I was suffocating.
But even though I didn't say anything, Cerden knew everything. Tears welled up again.
It was exactly what I wanted.
My best effort to avoid death reached Cerden.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
Tears welled up and fell to the floor.
"I told you not to cry, and you're crying again."
As if the scary behavior he had shown so far was a lie, Cerden was just... strange. Tonight was a really strange night.
I closed my eyes, following Cerden.
* * *
When I opened my eyes, I was alone. It felt like what happened last night was a lie. I was lying neatly in bed.
'I won't kill you.'
'I know you protected me.'
'What would I do by killing you.'
Cerden's whispers still seemed to linger in my ears. I blinked slowly.
My fingers seemed to be stiffening.
"What... really, that's it?"
Haa. To fall asleep in that situation. Cerden was the first to fall asleep.
Only then did I realize. The reason he seemed so weak was because he was really tired.
I felt sorry for Cerden, who was crumpling his large body on the sofa and on top of me, but I couldn't wake him up.
Because his exposed face looked so peaceful. I watched his face and fell asleep as well.
Cerden's embrace was warm, and it was thanks to the anxiety and relief that had been pressing down on me for a long time dissipating.
No, but still.
How could he sleep like that?
No way. There are one or two things to solve? Is that really the end?
Now that he knows, what is he going to do in the future, what does he want me to do? Is he going to get a divorce?
Shouldn't we have talked about something? Why is he thinking and acting so differently?
"I'm going crazy..."
I grabbed my head tightly. I wondered if yesterday was a dream, but then I saw the cushions that had fallen off the sofa. The vase and candy jar that had been pushed aside to make room for Cerden to sit were still there.
Cerden was gone, but his traces still remained.
"So it wasn't a dream."
I couldn't help but sigh.
If Cerden was next to me, I wanted to grab him by the collar and ask him. What on earth is he thinking in that handsome, small head of his?
I want to open his head and see!
Besides, yesterday that was...
The breath that scattered on my neck. And the hand that caressed my eyes. The body temperature that covered my body.
That handsome face that clung to me and fell asleep...
Ah, I'm going crazy.
I messed up my hair. Don't think about things like that. Don't!
Why do you keep thinking about things like that!
Is this the time for you to do that!
That's when it happened.
"Your Highness, I will come in."
It was different from Rozalina, Cherryna, and Rosie, who barged in without permission.
Julia's soft voice brought me back to my senses. I cleared my throat and patted my cheeks.
I roughly pressed down on my messy hair and ran to the door. I grabbed the doorknob and opened it wide.
"Julia!"
"Oh, Your Highness. You were awake. You fell asleep last night without even having dinner..."
At that moment.
Growl.
A thunderous sound erupted from my stomach. I swallowed hard. I've really thought about this before.
Isn't this terrible timing? Why are you doing this to me!
"...I, I woke up because I was hungry..."
Julia smiled.
"I thought you might. I prepared things that are easy to digest, would you like to eat now?"
"Yeah."
What else am I going to do now? I have to nod.
I'm so embarrassed, really.
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