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LOS 29
I stopped moving and froze right where I was. I recognized this voice. My father was looking for me. What should I do? Should I hide? But there was nowhere to hide in this room. It was just me and a single piano in the narrow space.
Soon, he began pounding on the door and screaming.
“I know you're in here! Get out this instant! This time, I'll break every knuckle in your hands! You ungrateful bitch, is this how you repay the grace of being raised by me? I should have gotten rid of you without a trace from the very beginning! You are the root of all my misfortunes! Everything will only return to normal once you are dead! Today, you will surely die by my hand!”
I pressed myself against the wall, moving as far from the door as possible, but his voice only grew louder, until it echoed violently in my head. I collapsed to the floor and covered my ears with both hands. However, the voice that had seized my mind showed no sign of fading.
You wicked bitch! You devil! I'll beat you to death! I'll kill you!
Bang, bang, bang! He pounded on the door relentlessly. It felt as if the door would shatter at any moment. The wounds from his previous beatings seemed to throb in anticipation. Curling my body and trembling violently, I began to sob aloud.
Even then, I thought it was strange. No. In the past, I had never once cried in front of him. I was definitely fine. I had been able to endure it.
Then why am I acting like this?
His voice did not stop. Eloise! Eloise, come out here! I squeezed my eyes shut. At this rate, it felt as though I really would die, just as he said.
It was then. The sound of the pounding on the door stopped abruptly.
At the same time, a completely different voice called my name.
Not Eloise, but a completely different name...
“Lily?”
I snapped my eyes open. My father, who had been screaming that he would kill me, was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Giles Hessen was there. Dressed in a crisp uniform, looking neat as always. It was the Giles from the past, coming to see Lily.
An officer who would visit a noble's bloodline—someone any soldier would surely want to arrest—multiple times. Just as I had before, I felt my body instinctively stiffen as I approached him.
I knew I had to smile, but I couldn't do it.
If I don't smile, he might not be happy.
What will happen to me now?
However, Giles didn't seem to care what my expression was. He set down his bag, looked at me for a moment, and draped the blanket he had been carrying under his arm over my shoulders.
The events of the past were being reenacted...
“Weren't you cold while you were alone?”
“I'm fine.”
“Your hands are all chapped.”
“They've always been like this.”
He took something out of his bag. When he opened the lid of a large box, all sorts of fruits were revealed. It had been so long since I had seen real, luscious fruit that I stared at him, my eyes widening unconsciously.
“Here, eat.”
He handed me the fruit box. I stared blankly at the fruits. It had been so long since I'd eaten any that I had forgotten what they even tasted like. Whether they were sweet, or bitter...
With trembling hands, I picked a green grape and put it in my mouth. The moment I bit into the grape, sweet juice spread throughout my mouth. It wasn't just sweet. A thrill surged through my entire body. I felt as if everything, from head to toe, was being reborn.
Distracted by the fruit, I hurriedly stuffed whatever I could grab into my mouth. Then, suddenly realizing that I probably didn't look very graceful, I glanced at him to gauge his reaction.
At that moment, a single grape slipped from my hand and rolled across the floor—a floor covered in dust from long neglect.
He had brought expensive fruit, and I had dropped it. I froze, completely terrified. Memories of my training days resurfaced—the time I dropped food because of a mistake with my fork.
But Giles didn't glare at me, nor did he slap my cheek. Instead, he leaned down, picked up the grape, and lightly tossed it out the slightly open window.
“Who knows, maybe a grapevine will grow around here next year.”
He made a joke. Not realizing that he had intentionally made a joke to soothe me because he noticed I was tense, I stammered an apology.
“I-I'm sorry...”
“It's okay. Anyone can make a mistake.”
I parted my lips to continue apologizing, but then I stopped.
In an instant, my sanity returned. I had returned to my current self, no longer Lily Belmore. Yes, that's right. This is a mistake anyone would make. Why should I be apologizing in a panic? It was just one small grape.
But back then, I had to. I was afraid of Giles, and my body was accustomed to being punished for the smallest mistake. Therefore, I thought Giles could punish me at any moment.
I closed my mouth and looked at Giles quietly. Giles was also looking at me. He looked exactly as he had before, but his face was so different from the version that had been distorted in my imagination.
I could find no trace of conspiracy or greed in him. He didn't scan my body up and down to assess my commodity value, as my father or Johann Meier had done.
He was just... pleased to see me eating the fruit.
Looking at him again with a gaze stripped of fear, a shockingly normal reality was there.
What... what have I been afraid of all this time?
He was looking at me with a worried expression...
“Anna, are you okay?”
I always hope that you are okay.
Thinking about it, it had been like that from the start. Giles had likely never once tried to take revenge on me. It was I who had turned him into a monster, consumed by fear. It couldn't be helped. I had been through so many terrifying things.
It wasn't my fault that I couldn't help but worry that such things would happen again.
Anna. Did he just call me Anna?
The moment I realized that, the barrier between dream and reality collapsed. I opened my eyes. Perhaps I had been sobbing aloud, for my face was a mess of tears.
“Anna?”
And Giles, who had come upon hearing my crying, was checking on me from nearby. His face was exactly the same as the one I had seen in the dream—no, in a scene from the past.
In the end, I couldn't hold back my tears. Had he been sincere with me from the very beginning? Yes, he must have been. The reason he chased me all the way to the express train wasn't because he wanted revenge or to punish me.
Even if his own life were threatened, he had always wanted to give me sweet fruit.
When he visited the mansion, and even now...
Giles, can I trust you?
Can I believe that you, at least, will be different from the others?
“I'm sorry.”
He spoke softly as he wiped away my tears.
“I'm sorry, Anna. I know you won't like me coming in here, but...”
“Don't go.”
I spoke with a voice laced with sobs.
“Stay here. You can at least do that for me.”
“...Alright. I won't go anywhere. Don't worry.”
“I was afraid. I was scared that you'd be just like the other bastards. I just didn't want to repeat the same things again. That's all. I, I...”
“Anna, it's okay.”
He said, comforting me. I stopped rambling and caught my breath. Even after burying my face in the pillow, I could still feel his presence beside me.
“It's okay. It'll be okay.”
He continued to speak to me.
Surprisingly, his actions put me at ease. Because I didn't have to soothe myself.
Hearing those words in someone else's voice... had a much greater effect.
So, I listened silently to the things he said.
Until, eventually, I truly became okay.
-
Anna fell asleep again. Giles watched her sleep peacefully for a while before turning away. He thought it was a relief that she didn't seem to be having nightmares this time. I wonder what she dreamed about. Could she have dreamed of him?
He pulled up the blanket and covered Anna's shoulders. An old coat, cast off carelessly, lay sprawled on the bed. He picked it up to hang it on a coat rack.
He felt a heavy weight. It was too heavy to be just a personal belonging. Remembering something in that moment, Giles felt around the inner pocket and slid his hand inside. Something hard and cold met his touch. It was a familiar sensation. Giles pulled the black, gleaming object out of the pocket.
It was a handgun. It was indeed the same gun Anna had pointed at him. But Giles immediately realized that was not all.
He looked down at the handgun in silence.
-
When I woke up again, Giles was gone. I held my head and pushed myself up. Fortunately, I didn't have any more dreams, but instead, my head throbbed as if it were about to split.
I felt like the headache would only go away if I got some fresh air.
I threw on an outer garment and stepped outside. The train had a balcony section. It was a section provided for passengers like me who needed fresh air. Someone was already there, waiting for me.
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