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LOS 32
At that, Giles stopped moving. He stared at me, frozen, as if he had heard something he hadn't expected.
“Everyone wanted to kill me, but in the end, I survived. Later, the blood of the Beldam nobility tried to drag me down, but look, I'm lying here perfectly fine, talking to you. I had to fight fiercely to survive, too. Everyone's way of surviving is different, but does that really matter? What matters is that I lived. So don't talk as if you're the only one who was left behind.”
He moved his hand again. At the very least, there was something in common between him and me. We shared the same origin, and we were both survivors.
Of course, that fact alone couldn't make us completely the same... but at least I could empathize with his story of survival. Surviving is important. Once you die, everything ends, and there are no second chances.
That was why I didn't particularly care if he had killed all the people of Beldam. Regardless, he hadn't killed me, he still had no intention of killing me, and I fully understood the desire to live.
If necessary, I would have burned down the Count's estate and walked away without a single regret.
“Right. You survived too.”
He repeated my words. For some reason, I felt that Giles's expression had become a bit more relaxed.
“You're alive.”
“Yes, I know. So you can stop reminding me. And it doesn't hurt anymore. You don't need to do any more.”
Giles withdrew his hand. He sat blankly beside me, staring at the light of the lamp, then abruptly asked:
“Are you still holding on by thinking of something?”
“Me? Well... I'm not sure right now. At the very least, it feels like there's nothing blocking my path anymore.”
“I see. That's a relief.”
“Why, are you still unable to move on?”
Giles shook his head without a word. Then, he dimmed the lamp.
“You can sleep now, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Goodnight, Anna Keating. I hope nightmares bypass you today.”
With those words, he moved away from me. I watched him sit in the table chair with his back to me. It seemed he intended to try and sleep there. I didn't mind, but...
I pulled the blanket over me and closed my eyes. Being able to sleep in such a plush bed was nothing short of a great blessing.
A peaceful sleep found me sooner than expected.
-
Giles Hessen sank into the darkness, leaving the dim light behind. To tell the truth, sleep did not come. He had never been much of a sleeper, and for the past few years, he hadn't even been able to sleep well.
But it was fine. Once he grew accustomed to it, he could adapt as if it were his own body.
He wouldn't stay up all night, but he had no desire to sleep right now. However, there was nothing else to do. So, he sat still and listened to Anna's breathing. Breathing was proof of being alive.
Anna is alive. She survived... That fact wasn't only important for Anna.
Anna had asked him if he was still unable to move on. It was true. The days when his life was under immediate threat had passed, and his life was entering a period of stability once more, but he still lived with the feeling of hanging off a cliff.
It wasn't so much because someone wanted to kill him, but rather a problem of his own. He had pushed himself to the limit to survive, and now he was paying the price.
As Anna said, he had survived as he wished... but that was truly all. His world had been burned away. Giles himself had set fire to his world. Now, all that remained was to wander through the ashes.
Having the leisure to look around now was both a blessing and a curse. He didn't want to look around. It wasn't that he hadn't known such a future would come, but it was hard to endure.
Anna, you asked me what I looked at to hold on. I didn't lie. The only thing that mattered to me was survival. And as you asked, I am still struggling for survival... and now, the one I look at is you.
Because you are the only existence left in my ash-covered world.
I will never regret the choice to save you. It was the only honest and right choice in my life. The only choice worth saying I am proud of.
A choice made out of exhaustion had unintentionally become the thing that kept him going. That was why he had risked everything to board the train. Because he felt that if he lost her, he truly wouldn't be able to bear it.
Giles had a history of losing someone he believed was already in his arms.
No matter what it took, he would not let Anna slip away.
Even if Anna suffered in the process, or if he earned her hatred... he intended to do so.
Because that was the right path.
Because doing so would be beneficial for both of them.
Therefore, he hoped Anna could enjoy a brief moment of peace. They were on a train of uncertain origin. That fact must not be forgotten. No matter how much this train wasn't targeting Anna, in the end, this train would surely become poison to her.
The reason for that was none other than...
Giles shook the thoughts from his head. What did any of that matter? Anna would survive anyway. He would certainly make it so.
In a world where everything had vanished, Giles would hold Anna in his arms.
Even if one of them had to get hurt.
-
When I woke up, Giles was gone. I checked the clock. It was roughly time for breakfast, so I couldn't say I had overslept.
I stretched my legs and looked up at the ceiling. Then, I enjoyed the ample space, feeling as though two more people could have slept there.
I occupied this huge bed all by myself while Giles slept in a chair. I can't say I felt no pangs of conscience, but what can you do?
Even if I no longer hated him as I once did, that didn't mean I could sleep in the same bed as him. The same would be true even if it were a man other than Giles.
I carefully looked around, fearing I might find him on the floor, but that wasn't the case. It seemed Giles had left the cabin entirely.
I changed my clothes and glanced beyond the cabin door. Perhaps because it was morning, the atmosphere seemed quiet. Thinking I'd have a simple breakfast, I quietly closed the door and headed toward the dining car.
The familiar place revealed itself before me. There were fewer people than the previous evening. An attendant approached me and explained the few available menu items. Not intending to eat much, I simply asked for coffee and toast.
I thought I would be left alone once the attendant departed. But that wasn't the case. Someone sat down in front of me. Surprised by the unexpected turn of events, I looked up. A woman with brown hair braided to one side was staring at me.
She looked around as if searching for someone, then whispered a question to me.
“Are you Anna Keating?”
“I am.”
“The pianist?”
I was used to this situation. At least from the day my face appeared in the newspapers, I often had to deal with people asking for my name. As always, I nodded. However, the woman seemed to be curious about something more than the fact that I was 'the pianist.'
“I heard you have a deep relationship with Giles Hessen. Is that true?”
“Why are you asking that?”
“I saw you having dinner with him yesterday. I don't know if I should say this, but I nearly fell over in surprise. Albert told me not to show any reaction, so I tried my best not to let it show, but...”
“It's not a deep relationship. We're just acquaintances. So there's no need to be interested. Please go back.”
Anyone who had boarded this train was surely not fond of Giles. I wanted to avoid any troublesome matters arising from being linked to him. When I openly showed a cold attitude, the woman raised both hands to stop me.
“Please, don't misunderstand. I didn't speak to you to say anything bad. What fault could you possibly have? Maybe Giles Hessen, but not you. I was just too curious about your story after witnessing you and Giles that evening.”
“Who on earth are you to act like this toward me?”
“I'm Carla. Carla Fischer.”
“That's not what I'm asking...”
“I get it. You're not curious about my name, but you want me to tell you who I really am, right? You probably have a rough idea, but I'm also from Beldam. Not a noble, just the daughter of a family that lived there. And I've finally boarded the train going home!”
The woman who introduced herself as Carla gave a highly excited laugh. The moment I heard those last words, I could no longer drive Carla away.
“The train going home?”
“Yes! The train returning to Beldam. This train is going to Beldam, isn't it? I thought I was going crazy living in hiding all this time. Fortunately, I got in touch with Albert and saved my life! Heaven helped me. Well, it had to be. I've never done anything bad in my life, and I prayed diligently. Did you also board this train after living in hiding like me, Anna?”
I became puzzled. The Albert Carla mentioned seemed to refer to Albert. I had vaguely thought that the people on this train might have come from Beldam. But thinking about it, people had boarded at some station in Ipswin, and if they had come from Beldam, there would have been no need to go through such trouble.
Then, does that mean all these people... were those who had been hiding to avoid execution by the revolutionary army?
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