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LOS 33
“Are you a survivor from the revolutionary army?”
“Yes! That’s right. I was scared to death. My family were all scattered, and I don’t even know where they are now. Most likely, they’re dead. I tried looking for them on this train, but I couldn't find anyone. Perhaps they’ve already escaped to Beldam.”
“Then everyone on this train is....”
“I don’t know everything, but most of them probably are. In exchange for being escorted to Beldam, they’ve agreed to cooperate with the intelligence agency. For the transport of Giles Hessen.”
“I didn’t know.”
Why hadn't Albert told me this? I had assumed these people were at least prepared for emergencies, if not fully trained, and I was left speechless. This meant that aside from a few agents, including Albert, everyone else was a civilian.
Of course, nothing would likely happen inside the train... but if the Ipswin soldiers had discovered the train's location, they all could have been killed. This operation was more dangerous than I had thought.
On the other hand, Carla seemed to be thinking only of the fact that she could return to Beldam.
“How much do people know about me?” I asked. If Carla knew who I was, my information must have already spread to the other passengers. If my name was on people's lips, it wouldn't hurt for me to know in advance.
“Not that much. Just that there’s a famous young pianist, and that she contributed greatly to getting Giles Hessen on the train. Is that true? Surely incorrect information hasn't spread, but....”
“I’ll leave that to your imagination.”
Coffee and toast arrived. I stared silently down at the coffee, where small ripples were forming on the surface. Only one thought occupied my mind. If I were to get off at Beldam, I wouldn't be able to quietly leave the people behind to play the piano.
I could imagine the various rumors and the barrage of questions I would face simply for being close to Giles Hessen.
No, I will definitely get off at Beldam. I felt that the people who brought me here would make sure of it. I would go to Beldam with Giles. And perhaps I would witness everything that happens to him.
Do I want that to happen?
I might become known as the woman who brought the great traitor, Giles Hessen, to the execution block. But... I didn't want that.
It was true that I had hated Giles in the past. It was true that I had once wished for his death and had hidden a gun in my bosom to kill him.
But I hated the idea of my name becoming known through him. I hated it even more if it were rumored as if it were a good thing. My feelings toward him had already changed. Giles no longer appeared as a monster in my eyes, and in my heart, I had already accepted him.
I could no longer be certain.
Do I want him to die like this? I had seen the human side of Giles Hessen, not the monster. I should have preferred not to. Whatever his true nature was, it would have been better if the Giles in my head had remained a monster.
If so, I wouldn't have to agonize over this.
Of course, I didn't think my life would change significantly if Giles died. Whether he lived or died, what did that have to do with me?
However, I no longer felt a sense of relief imagining his death, nor could I find pleasure in his miserable end.
Because he was just... a person, just like me.
He, too, was ultimately a human struggling to survive.
Now that I knew that, I no longer wanted to be involved in his death in any way. At the very least, I must not be the woman who dragged him to the threshold of death. Why should I shoulder such a fate?
I stood up from my seat.
“I’ll give this to you. Please, eat as much as you like.”
“Wait, Anna!”
I walked past Carla and left the dining car. Even as I crossed the corridor, I couldn't stand the confusion within myself. It was clear that the choice I made today would greatly influence my path forward.
Clearly, I no longer hate Giles.
Then, let me ask myself this.
Do I want to save him?
Do I want him to live?
I hadn't yet decided which direction my emotions were pointing.
So, for now, I will do what I believe is right. I will do as my instinct tells me. Perhaps that is what I truly want.
I flung open the cabin door.
Giles had returned.
He looked at me and smiled. It was a smile filled with unmistakable gladness and deep affection. Without taking my eyes off him, I quietly pushed the door shut. I simply couldn't bring myself to smile back at him.
“Did you have breakfast?” Giles asked. I shook my head. I intended to, but I didn't bother telling him that I had given it all away to someone else. I had rushed back to the cabin, but now that I was facing him, I didn't know what to say first.
“Did you sleep well?”
I started the conversation with an awkward greeting. Of course, I didn't ask because I was actually curious. It wasn't a fitting greeting when I knew perfectly well that he had slept in a chair.
“I did. I slept well.”
It sounded like a lie. His complexion didn't look any better than it had last night. Regardless, that wasn't what was important. I approached Giles. He was a perceptive man. Giles's gaze changed. He knew I was about to bring up something important.
“Is something wrong?”
Even in this moment, he mistakenly thought there was a problem concerning me. I took a deep breath and spoke slowly.
“This train....”
Strangely, the moment I mentioned the train, Giles relaxed. Regardless, I continued.
“How much do you know about this train?”
“It’s a train going abroad. To take you to a good place.”
His answer was cryptic. I couldn't tell if he knew the truth about the train or not.
“Do you know exactly where it’s going?”
“I do. It’s going to Vittelsden. The attendant told me.”
Giles gave me a familiar smile. There was no trace of cunning deception or conspiracy in his smile. Yet, I felt as if Giles was pretending not to know on purpose.
“That’s not it.”
“Not it?”
“Yes. This train isn't going to Vittelsden. It’s actually a train going to Beldam, Giles. It’s going to Beldam.”
I hoped he would understand what I was trying to say. He had boarded a train bound for Beldam. A traitor whom Beldam loathed and hated with a passion was now heading toward Beldam on the rails.
And there probably wasn't much time left until arrival. Ipswin and Beldam shared a border.
However, Giles didn't even pretend to be surprised after hearing my words. As if he had just heard the weather forecast for the day, he indifferently pressed the coffee cup to his lips.
“I see.”
“Giles, did you not hear me? When the train arrives in Beldam, you... you won't be safe.”
“I know. If I go to Beldam, I’ll likely suffer a terrible fate. I know that without anyone telling me. Because I am a traitor. I executed nearly a hundred nobles from Beldam; there's no way they wouldn't hate me.”
“You know that, and yet you feel nothing right now?”
I was confused about how to process this situation. Giles was the one in danger, yet I was the one pacing anxiously. He was calmly drinking his coffee. He seemed either uninterested or detached.
He said something entirely different from what I wanted to hear.
“Anna, you don’t want me to die.”
I fell silent. I was standing in a gray zone. A middle ground where I neither wanted him to die nor wanted him to live. To be precise, I had not yet reached a conviction.
Nevertheless, I had rushed to Giles to tell him the truth. That he was in danger. That he must flee immediately.
If so, perhaps I was slowly drifting toward the side of not wanting Giles to die. Perhaps his words were correct. His death had come too soon. We needed a little more time to talk....
“Thank you, Anna.”
That's why I began to feel angry at his nonchalance. Giles was focusing only on the fact that I had revealed my true feelings by warning him. While there was a truly urgent matter at hand.
“Giles! I’m telling you, you’re going to die soon!”
“Do you think I boarded this train without knowing this would happen? The moment I leave the Ipswin border, I am a dead man. Do you think I wouldn't take such a risk?”
“That... then you....”
“I knew everything. From the beginning.”
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