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LOS 46
By the time the broadcast ended, Giles was waiting for me outside. I walked with him around the broadcasting station.
Walking beside a massive soldier was certainly different from walking alone. For one, passersby kept their distance, and the usual occurrences of random men trying to hit on me didn't happen at all.
Spring was ripening day by day. The wind, which once held a lingering chill, had now become as gentle as a loved one's touch. Trees that had seemed dead sprouted new leaves, and tiny wildflowers bloomed along the roadside.
We didn't speak for a while, but I could still feel his presence beside me. It was comforting.
“What brings you here? Without a word. I didn't expect you to just show up.”
“Actually, it wasn't planned. It suddenly occurred to me that I wanted to spend time with you. So I just came. Did I startle you?”
“I'm fine since I see your face every day, but I don't think the people I work with felt the same. Did you see their expressions?”
Contrary to my words, I burst into a giggle. The broadcasting staff, who were serious about everything and devoid of humor, looked as if they had suddenly entered a comedy sketch just because of his appearance; I couldn't help but laugh.
“I shall be more mindful next time.”
“No, you don't have to. It was actually really funny to me. It's even funnier because you didn't intend for it to be. Please make more happenings like that in the future. I don't have many reasons to laugh usually, so every little incident like this is precious.”
Giles, who had been watching me in silence, suddenly asked.
“Have you had lunch?”
“No, not yet. Why? Is it already lunchtime?”
“It seems so. Is there anything you want to eat?”
“Hmm... what would be good?”
After thinking deeply for a moment, something came to mind and I shouted.
“I know! Let's go eat junk food. How about that?”
“What?”
“I know a place nearby. Let's go.”
Giles looked bewildered, unable to give a definitive answer either way, but he eventually followed me into a shop located five minutes away. The place was packed with all sorts of people. We barely managed to find a seat.
While pondering what to choose, I suddenly realized that Giles was sitting with an incredibly stiff posture. He was acting as if he had entered a place where he didn't belong.
“What's wrong?”
“Well... it's just my first time in a place like this.”
“No way. 'Lanch & Summers' is the finest eatery in this neighborhood! You aren't the type to cut a hamburger with a knife, are you?”
Surprisingly, Giles merely avoided my gaze and didn't answer.
“Now that I see it, you really are a pampered young master.”
“I am simply unfamiliar with this kind of food.”
“Then I can teach you starting today. There are things you don't know as well as I do—how strange is that?”
I called a staff member and ordered a menu that included potato chips. The shop was lively with the sound of loud music and people's chatter. It was certainly a place that didn't suit a high-ranking officer from a noble background, dressed neatly in a uniform. I had to barely restrain myself from laughing again.
It didn't take long for the food to arrive. I caught him scanning the dishes with an unfamiliar look. Eventually, he spoke.
“There are no vegetables.”
“They're right here,” I said, holding up the ketchup. At that moment, because of the expression that crossed his face, I finally lost my battle with laughter and cackled.
“You're seriously funny! You're such a sheltered gentleman.”
“I know what ketchup is, Anna.”
“Right, it's made from vegetables. And these french fries! These are made from vegetables too. So it's the same thing. It's good for your health, so eat plenty.”
He didn't seem convinced at all, but he accepted my suggestion regardless. After eating a few fries, he said softly.
“It doesn't seem like very high-quality food.”
“What does that matter? It's delicious and cheap.”
“Anna, I'll introduce you to a fine dining restaurant later, so let's go together. I think you'll like it.”
“I don't want to.”
I refused firmly. It wasn't that I wanted to ignore his kindness, but I truly didn't feel like it.
“You mean the kind of place where you cut meat with knives and have appetizers and main dishes? I don't like places like that. Of course, you can eat high-quality food there. But I hate it. I know there's a big difference in quality, but even considering that, I still hate it.”
“...Why is that?”
“Just... seeing food prepared to suit the tastes of high-ranking people makes me feel sick to my stomach.”
I continued talking while munching on french fries. I didn't know if he would understand, but I still wanted to tell my story. Sometimes, one must let out the inner thoughts they've never told anyone.
“When I was young, my family taught me upper-class culture to marry me off to someone of high status. Dining etiquette was among those things. What high-ranking person would accept a girl who holds a knife like a pen? They're people obsessed with appearances. At the time, my family was anxious and would never tolerate a mistake. In the end, I had to eat while struggling to maintain etiquette that hadn't even become natural to me. How could I have digested my food properly? I still remember the days I spent groaning alone and throwing up everything I ate.”
Giles listened to my story in silence without saying a word. Once I started talking, I couldn't stop. I spoke while exaggeratedly mimicking the tutor who had taught me.
“The knife, spoon, and fork are used one by one according to the course, starting from the outside. A knife is not a pencil! Do not hold it like that. You must hold it upright. Now, I will teach you the types of glasses for drinks. Oh, of course. White wine, red wine, dessert wine, water, and soda must all be served in different glasses. That is how one maintains their dignity, is it not? Crazy bastards, the lot of them. They all looked the same to me, so I couldn't memorize them quickly. Anyway, mealtime was like torture to me. That's why I say I hate it. It makes me remember those dark days.”
“...I heard that they hated and tormented you.”
“Did you also hear why they tormented me?”
He shook his head.
“There was someone who was supposed to be my husband, and that bastard tried to strip me one day. So I refused. The mere fact that I refused was enough to be a scandal, but I went a step further and threatened to hurt him. I didn't actually intend to hurt him. I just wanted to scare him. I had no choice if I wanted to get out of there safely. I could only face him if I swung a weapon, but he was a large man who could overpower me with one arm. Yet, for the sole reason that I defended myself to protect my body, I had to be locked in a narrow closet.”
I told him everything. The inner details of the events he had only heard in fragments. There was nothing to hide. I did nothing wrong, so why should I be ashamed?
If there was anyone who should want to hide things, it would be the Count. Though he's dead now, so he can't even do that.
“Back then, I was so desperate to survive that I thought I was fine even while enduring all those things... but thinking about it now, I guess I wasn't. Now that time has passed, I know. I was absolutely not fine. I just wanted to live so badly that I had to harden myself to be numb. That's why I still hate locking doors or drawing thick curtains. Whether it's a narrow, dark place or a sealed space... if I feel trapped, I really can't stand it.”
As I spoke, I felt a strange sensation. Come to think of it, this was the first time I had explained my past in such detail to another person. Albert had only known that I had lived an unhappy life through what others had told him.
The saving grace was that the bright lighting of the restaurant and the cheerful music prevented the atmosphere from sinking too deeply. After listening to my story, Giles asked.
“When we first met, during the time you had to survive inside an instrument case... with what feelings did you endure it?”
“It was better then. I was the only one left in the mansion, and I knew I could go outside the case whenever I wanted. Above all, at that time, I might have frozen to death if I hadn't used the case.”
“I'm sorry for making you bring up these stories, Anna.”
“It's okay. Really, it's okay. At least I'm alive. While all those people are dead. Right?”
My throat felt dry from talking so much. I poured water into a cup and drank to moisten my throat. Then, seeing that Giles hadn't even touched his food, I urged him.
“Aren't you hungry? You said you came because you wanted to have lunch with me.”
“Yes. I did.”
He picked up the utensils. However, he still couldn't bring himself to eat the food laid out before him. Is he not eating, or can't he eat? While I was thinking this, Giles asked.
“What is the name of this?”
“A hamburger. Surely you don't not know how to eat it?”
“I know how to eat it.”
He answered immediately, perhaps feeling a slight blow to his pride. Well, of course. Where in the world is there a person who doesn't know how to eat a hamburger? I took a bite of my favorite cheeseburger with bacon, thinking this, and suddenly glanced at Giles.
At that moment, our eyes met. His movement, as he was about to slice the hamburger with a fork and knife, froze instantly. Of course, I was holding my cheeseburger with both hands while eating. Giles gave a forced cough and quietly put down the utensils.
I thought it was a relief that he didn't crush the hamburger.
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