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However, if she didn't do that—if she continued to ignore the fact that the violin and herself were separate entities—she would have no choice but to keep wandering in the darkness.
The light illuminating the path she had to take was small and faint, like a candle flame. It felt as though it could be extinguished at any moment by the cold chill of the darkness. Hee-jin wanted to protect that light. She didn't want to let it go out helplessly.
Letting out a low sigh of relief, Hee-jin also accepted the confused emotions reflected in her eyes. The thought that Go Seok-hyun's apology might be sincere and the question of what meaning that even had continued to take turns shaking her mind.
“I... didn't intend to hurt your hands.”
“I only meant the legs, yes, only the legs. I calculated it clearly, I controlled it.”
She could never forget the words Go Seok-hyun had spoken when she first learned the state of her hands after the surgery. He had made excuses as if he had committed a common mistake, saying he had planned it meticulously and didn't know why things went wrong. Moreover, until now, he had never once admitted his fault or apologized.
Would the day ever come when he apologized for that as well?
Hee-jin was confused about whether she even wanted his apology. If she received one, could she forgive him? No, even if he knelt and begged for forgiveness, she felt she could never forgive him. That much, she could say with certainty.
But even if it meant nothing to her, shouldn't Go Seok-hyun still apologize?
All sorts of questions followed one another. Placing her hand on her chest for a moment and slowly catching her breath, Hee-jin closed her eyes. Min-sun's words flashed through her mind.
“This time may be painful now, but in the end, it will become an important part of your story.”
Hee-jin repeated those words over and over again. My story, the story of my life...
Even if she wanted to cut out the time spent with Seok-hyun entirely, she couldn't. It was horrific that he had become an indispensable presence in her life, but at the same time, it was inevitable.
After all, he was the person who had torn out the most important page of the book that was her life.
She couldn't throw away the book just because she didn't like that a page was torn. Because it was her life, whether she patched it up like a rag or glued it back seamlessly as if it were new—or if that failed, simply skipped over it while torn—she had to continue to the next part.
Slowly opening her eyes, Hee-jin faced herself in the mirror. Her gaze, which had been faintly trembling, had since settled into a calm stillness. She had firmly found her center.
Hee-jin decided to accept that although she was still confused and in pain, these emotions were also a part of her. And she felt that she needed to be honest with Seok-hyun, and with herself.
Hee-jin wanted to receive a sincere apology from him. Regardless of the recovery of her hands or her future, solely for her own sake.
And perhaps, for the sake of her heart, which was uncontrollably wavering toward Go Seok-hyun...
✾ ✾ ✾
The liquor cabinet was still empty in several places. Originally, he had kept them lined up with precise angles without a single disruption, but now he left them exactly as they were when Hee-jin had touched them. Seok-hyun picked up a bottle of liquor. It was the alcohol Hee-jin had rolled across the floor.
He put a round ice cube in a glass, poured the liquor generously, and headed toward the living room. As he sat on the sofa, the Lord Wilton, still displayed majestically, entered his field of vision.
He recalled Hee-jin playing it in Japan. His superior memory vividly brought back Hee-jin's performance in his mind, as if playing back an audio file. As the tone of that day echoed in his ears, a look of ecstasy clouded Seok-hyun's expression.
He regretted that he hadn't seen the moment Hee-jin played this Lord Wilton alone. How Hee-jin, who was unable to perform normally, had played the violin, and what feelings had made her break down like that. He tried to imagine the scene based on the information he had, but the vividness of that moment could not be fully reproduced.
“I hate you. I hate you so much...”
The image of Hee-jin wailing did not disappear even after he returned home or drank alcohol. That voice continued to linger in his ears. Even though he knew well that Hee-jin didn't just reject him but loathed him, the emotion he felt the moment those words came out of her mouth was completely unexpected.
Seok-hyun looked down at his arm. The sensation of her two hands gripping his arm remained. It still tingled, as if all the resistance and fear contained in her cold fingertips had been engraved there.
While listening to Jung Min-sun's story, Seok-hyun clearly recognized the nature of the anxiety Hee-jin possessed. Until then, he had never seriously considered her psychological pain or anxiety. Because he thought it would naturally be resolved once her hands fully recovered, he had pushed her further into rehabilitation, encouraging her will.
He hadn't known she was suffering mentally to this extent.
It wasn't that he had intentionally ignored it because he wanted Hee-jin to rely only on him. He wasn't some kind of sadist who felt pleasure while causing Hee-jin pain.
Rather, whenever he saw Hee-jin refusing to be by his side—the place where she should feel the most comfort—and suffering, he often felt an uncomfortable emotion that was hard to put into words.
The more that happened, the more he vowed to make her get better faster, but he had overlooked the fact that Hee-jin needed time to face her reality.
Faced with her wails of hatred, Seok-hyun was lost for words. Feeling an inexplicable pain in the arm she had gripped, his body momentarily froze. He could do nothing but repeat the words "I'm sorry" like a machine. No other words came to mind.
Click.
Noticing the sound of the bedroom door opening, Seok-hyun looked back. Upon seeing Hee-jin, the tingling sensation he had felt earlier became a bit more vivid. Hee-jin, who walked silently toward the sofa, looked back and forth between Seok-hyun and the glass in his hand.
“Aren't you going to do your rehab?”
Seok-hyun was honestly a bit surprised that Hee-jin sought him out first. Considering the attitude she had shown earlier, he thought she wouldn't even speak to him... Though some time had passed, her eyes were still slightly red and swollen.
“Uh... no, I'll dry your hair first.”
Setting the glass down on the table, Seok-hyun stood up. As Hee-jin followed without refusing, the speed of Seok-hyun's heartbeat quickened slightly.
He had installed a device to hold the dryer in front of the powder room mirror for Hee-jin's convenience, but he preferred drying it himself. This was because he liked seeing Hee-jin entrust her hair entirely to him.
He wound the hair around his fingers and slowly dried it with lukewarm air. The sensation of his fingertips rubbing her scalp felt exceptionally chilling today. Feeling the hair gradually become soft, he didn't want to let go.
But the end always comes. The moisture, which had been gradually disappearing, vanished completely at some point. Seok-hyun slowly put away the hairdryer and, out of lingering regret, even applied hair essence. It smelled good, but he didn't like that it masked Hee-jin's natural scent.
After combing her glossy hair into place, there was nothing left to do. Their eyes met through the mirror. Looking into those eyes staring at him, the events at the Han River came back to Seok-hyun. As well as the sensation of her gripping his arm.
“I...”
Hee-jin slowly opened her mouth. Seok-hyun realized he was nervous. It was a strange feeling. Hee-jin looked utterly calm and composed, so he wondered what on earth he was nervous about.
“I want an apology from you.”
Seok-hyun took Hee-jin's words intuitively and tried to repeat the apology he had made earlier. However, noticing that Hee-jin's eyes were telling him not to, he shut his mouth tight. Her eyes contained a complex mixture of emotions that could not be interpreted at once. Her eyes were red as if she were about to cry, but this time, no tears fell.
Phew... After finishing her sentence, Hee-jin let out a long breath, dropping her shoulders. A very deep breath. With an expression of relief, as if she had set down a heavy burden she had carried for a long time.
“Let's do rehab now. My hands are too stiff after going out.”
Smiling at Seok-hyun, Hee-jin nonchalantly massaged her fingers. It seemed as though a firm will, different from a defensive wall, was enveloping Hee-jin. However, Seok-hyun hesitated, unable to be certain what that will was pointing toward. One thing was certain: it wasn't simply a will to recover.
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