.jpg)
LOS 27
He spoke as if pleading.
“But I never intended for that to happen.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Anna. I was happy to see you regaining your health. Seeing you eat proper food, seeing the color return to your cheeks... that’s why I kept visiting you.”
“I’m sure you did.”
“I never once threatened you—”
“You never threatened me?”
I hurled the object in my hand to the floor. It shattered with a loud crash. Without even realizing I was crying, I screamed at him.
“Your very existence was a threat to me! I—you knew who I was! You knew my identity. You knew I was Eloise! And yet you let me live. You even kept coming back to see me. You must have wanted something from me. It doesn’t matter what you were thinking! I was the daughter of a noble! You are a revolutionary soldier who wears a uniform and carries a gun at his hip! You were someone who could have dragged me away and killed me the moment you changed your mind. I only survived because you were simply indulging a whim. No one knew when your mind would change again.”
I paused for a moment to catch my breath. Giles froze, unable to say a word. I wondered for a second how I must look in his eyes. He probably thinks I’m a madwoman.
“I had to live in constant anxiety, terrified that you might stop liking me at any moment. I had to act like a mindless girl just to keep you pleased, playing a part just to stay alive. Every single moment I spent with you was a struggle for survival. You say you wanted nothing? Don’t lie! Every man wanted something from me! Johann Meier did, and the Count did too! Tell me. Was there really not a single thing you wanted from me!”
Giles did not answer. He simply looked at me in silence. I stopped tearing open my raw inner self and pouring it over him. It wasn't because my reason had returned. It was because I felt that confessing my true feelings to him was now meaningless.
He wouldn't understand. Those who look down from above could never understand. Because they have never experienced it. They wouldn't know what I felt or how I perceived things.
Thanks to the shred of reason I had left, I could at least recognize the fact that I had ruined everything. This probably wasn't what Albert wanted from me.
I was sick of everything. Sick of myself, looking like a lunatic, and sick of Giles Hessen, standing before me in silence. I pulled out the pistol I had hidden in my clothes and pointed it at him.
“Get out.”
Fortunately, he didn't provoke me and stepped back obediently. He gave me one last look, then turned around and left the cabin.
I stared blankly at the closed door before lowering the gun. Albert had given me a cabin with a bed. Normally, I would have been appalled by the fact that there was a large bed on a train, but right now, I didn't have the energy for that.
In fact, I was almost grateful that there was a bed.
I roughly threw off my outer coat, crawled into the bed, and pulled the covers over my head.
Everything was a mess.
-
After being kicked out of the cabin, Giles stood frozen in place for a long time. Now, there were few passengers passing through the corridor. He remained alone in the empty hallway, wandering through solitude like a man with nowhere to go.
What had just happened? The events that took place beyond the sliding door were still vivid before his eyes, yet they felt distant, like a story from a movie.
Anna had been his salvation. She had always been. Every time he visited Anna, he found the only peace his heart could know. Anna was the only one who could make all the stray thoughts, the guilt, and the tens of thousands of memories and emotions that tormented him lose their voice and sink.
Beside Anna, Giles could forget the scenes of slaughter that bore the names of war or revolution.
But the peaceful time, the comfort, had belonged to Giles alone. Anna had said that every single moment spent with him was terror... Thinking back, Anna had always been smiling in front of Giles. Giles had simply assumed it was because Anna was a kind and bright person.
But that wasn't it. Anna had been acting all that time solely to cater to Giles's mood. Trembling in fear that a soldier wearing a revolutionary uniform with a pistol at his hip might change his mind at any second.
Giles leaned against the wall, pressing a hand to his forehead. Not once had he ever considered things from Anna's perspective. In truth, he should have said he hadn't had the luxury to do so. It was a time when even supporting himself so he wouldn't collapse was an overwhelming task.
And so, he had been selfish. Anna hadn't said anything wrong. She was the daughter of a noble, and Giles was a revolutionary officer. Naturally, from Anna's position, it could only have been terrifying. He had failed to realize that fact.
Had he overlooked it, or had he ignored Anna's position for his own sake?
Giles Hessen sank into a mire of misery. He had become an object of fear even to the person who provided his only salvation.
What should he say to her? An apology? Would such a flat, shallow apology be enough?
He closed his eyes. Anna was in danger. She had boarded a train of unknown origin, and the identities of the people on this train were unclear. But Anna had been feeling threatened for a long time. Long before she met Albert Shaw.
Now, he didn't even know what he had been trying to protect Anna from.
Focus, Giles Hessen. What's important right now is uncovering the identity of this train and getting Anna out of here. But how? The person Anna fears most is Giles.
Anna wanted to escape from Giles.
Not from this train.
Everything had fallen apart. He turned his back to the cabin and walked away step by step. Even at this moment, was Anna thinking about him?
Every time the train jolted, the lights illuminating the corridor flickered, dimming and brightening repeatedly. Giles's mind was the same.
-
I woke up in the ruined cabin. The sunlight streaming through the window stung my eyes. It seemed I had fallen asleep buried in the blankets for quite a while. What time is it? I searched for a clock. Fortunately, there was a bedside clock on the table next to the bed.
After checking the time, I bolted upright in surprise. I thought I had only slept for a few hours, but I must have been out cold for a full day. It was early dawn, not yet seven in the morning.
I was hungry. It was only natural, having skipped an entire meal. Would the dining car be operating at this early hour? I wouldn't know until I went to check. I could endure hunger well back when I had no choice, but now that I was in a situation where I could eat whenever I wanted, I didn't want to hold back.
I roughly tidied my clothes and crossed the corridor in a half-awake haze. It seemed most people hadn't woken up yet. After wandering the corridor briefly, I entered the car that appeared to be the dining area.
My guess was correct. With several tables lined up, it was clearly the dining car. However, I encountered someone there whom I completely unexpected.
Giles Hessen was sitting at a corner table, asleep with his head leaning against the wall. His sleeping face looked far more exhausted than when he was awake. I stared at him for a while before taking a seat far away from him.
Perhaps sensing a presence, an attendant who hadn't been visible at first appeared and approached me.
“Guest, I’m sorry, but the kitchen isn't ready yet, so we can only provide simple tea or drinks.”
“How about milk?”
“That is possible.”
“Please warm it up.”
I stopped the departing attendant and asked.
“That person, how long has he been like that?”
He also realized I was referring to Giles. The attendant shrugged.
“It seems he's been here since last night. I didn't bother to wake him; I trust that was the right choice?”
“Yes, you did well.”
I answered half-heartedly and sent the attendant away.
Soon, milk in a glass arrived. He had kindly provided honey as well. Even as I stirred the honey into the milk and drank it, I didn't take my eyes off Giles.
Seeing him brought back the memories of yesterday. I had practically lost my mind and lunged at him then.
Of course, it's not that I regret my actions, but it was somewhat surprising that Giles hadn't reacted at all. I thought he would at least get angry or push me to the floor.
I still hated him just as much. Based on the circumstances, it seemed he had never harbored any feelings of loathing toward me from the start. But that, in its own way, made me angry. Had he been living in a flower garden all alone, without even considering how I must have felt?
While I had been shoved into a corner of hell all this time.
Only after more than half the milk was gone did Giles wake up. He didn't seem to realize I was nearby yet.
Of course, I was still watching him. I watched him try to shake off long-accumulated fatigue, and I watched him put back on the outer coat he had set aside. And then...
Giles looked toward me. His eyes slowly widened. It was as if he hadn't expected to meet me here again. Well, I felt the same. I didn't expect him to be sleeping here. Then again, it would have been stranger if Giles had a private cabin.
Giles started to say something, then shut his mouth. It was a wise decision. I hadn't come to the dining car to hear his pathetic excuses. Having finished my milk, I stood up. It was a shame I couldn't have breakfast, but I could just come back later.
Just as I was about to leave, I hesitated. Come to think of it, I hadn't boarded this train for free. Albert wanted me to keep Giles here. My job wasn't to ignore Giles, but to reassure him so that he wouldn't do anything impulsive.
It was absolutely wretched, but it was something I had to do. If I could get rid of Giles Hessen forever and if Albert kept his promise, I would be able to live freely in a foreign land.
Moreover, there was still something I hadn't asked him.
I stood up and sat across from him. Giles now looked bewildered. For a while, an uncomfortable current lingered in the silence around us.
.jpg)