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LOS 67
“I only wanted to set everything right.”
“You know that confessing your sins in front of me is meaningless, don't you?”
“I'm not saying this in the hope that it will be meaningful.”
Giles left Luise, who was staring at him in bewilderment, and returned to mechanically slicing his food.
“So, don't try so hard to prove that I am a thoroughly broken human being. Even if you don't, the fact that I committed those crimes doesn't change, and I have no intention of running away.”
“I don't understand how you can start admitting your sins now, after spending years slaughtering the nobles you knew. Can a person really change so suddenly?”
“Then what did you want me to say?”
“I don't trust you, Giles Hessen. It makes no sense that you walked in here because you truly want to atone. You must be thinking of something else in that head of yours. Tell me, what are you thinking right now? The whole country knows who you really are, Giles. There's no need to act like a good person.”
“Do you think I'm deceiving you?”
Meanwhile, Giles could vaguely tell why Luise was bringing up Anna and beginning to interrogate him in an attempt to provoke him. Luise was also one of the many people who had come to know him through the newspapers.
What had she expected? In a word, she was flustered. She had succeeded in catching the most dangerous beast and putting it in a cage, but the beast was simply lying there with its belly exposed, like a docile pet dog.
People often feel fear when faced with an unexpected situation. More so than when a ferocious predator lunges to bite and tear limbs apart, it is when that predator does nothing and simply stares at them that they are driven into a corner.
It seemed Luise wanted Giles to do something. From the moment he failed to move as she expected, Giles was already slipping beyond her control.
“Are you flustered because I'm not the person you knew?”
“This can't be your true self.”
“How can you be so sure? This is the first time we've met in seven years. Of course, that's not the case for you. You've been keeping up with my news through the papers. You probably thought you knew me well. But you didn't really know me. You only read what someone else wrote about me.”
“But that was the truth, wasn't it?”
“Anything you haven't seen or heard with your own eyes is like a sealed box. You can't know what's inside.”
“Are you claiming that the newspapers published false articles about all of Beldam?”
“I was saying that since I am here, breathing right in front of you, is there any need to rely on articles made of printed letters?”
Giles countered with a question.
“What do you know about me, Luise? Aside from what you heard on the radio and read in the papers. What kind of person am I, based on what you've actually seen and experienced?”
However, Luise could not answer readily. As they both knew, the gap between them had been far too long, and a great war had carved a hole so deep between them that there seemed to be no end to it.
“There is apple jam on the table.”
“......What about it?”
“You can't eat apples.”
At that, Luise's face, which had maintained a single expression like a porcelain doll, momentarily contorted.
“That was a long time ago.”
“Are you saying it's not like that now?”
“Something like that has no effect on me anymore.”
“You used to get hives on your arms just from the scent of apples.”
“Stop playing tricks. Do you think you know me?”
“Then do you know me?”
Luise shut her mouth and glared at Giles for a while. However, the war of nerves between them soon came to an end. With a softened expression, she spread apple jam on her toast.
“Nothing will change just because you play tricks. If you keep that in mind, it will be easier for everyone.”
“Don't worry, I won't do anything.”
“And about what I said earlier regarding Anna.”
She shrugged her shoulders while leaning back against the chair.
“That was a lie. I haven't even visited her yet. That she met another man, or that the two of them rolled around together... I just made it up. I was sure you would react.”
“I knew you would.”
“Why? Is there some reason Anna wouldn't betray you?”
“That's not my concern. Anna doesn't trust or accept others easily. She's a very cautious person, so I figured that wouldn't happen.”
“Is that so?”
As if brushing off his words lightly, Luise inadvertently let out a monologue.
“Why on earth did a woman like that accept you?”
There was no one who could answer that question.
-
When I asked for a sandwich, what I expected was a truly ordinary sandwich. The kind you can commonly find at a roadside shop.
However, what unfolded before me were all sorts of sandwiches that looked like some kind of egg-based magic trick. The food on the plate seemed to say, 'You probably didn't know it could be made like this.'
Adele gave me a proud smile as I looked at the sandwiches with bewildered eyes.
“How is it? The kitchen did their absolute best. The only heiress of the Bismar family is eating, so it felt wrong to serve a plain sandwich.”
“I really meant that any sandwich would be fine...”
“But then it would hurt their pride! Here, look. This one has boiled eggs tossed in a special sauce and rolled up with vegetables. This one has thick ham with cucumber and paprika tucked in between to enhance the texture. And that one has fresh, plump shrimp...”
“Thank you. Truly.”
Looking at the 'Pride of the Kitchen' sandwiches, which boasted a thickness far removed from the paper-thin sandwiches I usually ate, I picked one at random and put it in my mouth.
It was a taste that made me realize why people hire chefs. To have monopolized and eaten things like this every day... no wonder a revolution broke out.
“By the way, Miss... I mean, Anna. I'm curious about something. Why did you turn down the veal dish and ask for a sandwich instead? Since it was your first time coming to the Beldam estate, we naturally assumed you'd want the table filled with food, leaving only room for the candlesticks. That's why we were so nervous.”
“Do you really think I'd do that when I'm all alone?”
“Still. Anna, you've now become the head of the house. Usually, young ladies or masters who inherit the position of head of house ask for a banquet to be held.”
I let out a small laugh at the mention of a banquet.
“Well, I suppose I could have held a banquet for just myself. Since everyone except me is dead. That's certainly something to celebrate. It would have been even more so in the past.”
“Um, but... is it true that the previous Count hit Anna? I always understood the Count wasn't that kind of person. He cherished his children. Especially Lady Elizabeth. I heard he wouldn't even let her walk barefoot.”
“That's probably because he had to sell her off to Johann Meier.”
As I spat out the unrefined words, a startled Adele momentarily covered her mouth and glanced around. It was a reflexive action from someone who had served the Count's household.
“It's okay. I'm the only member of the family left now.”
“Still, I can't help but be shocked! I still can't believe the Count has passed away. I feel like he's watching over us from behind...”
“But I'm telling the truth. To that man, a daughter was nothing more than a tribute to be offered to a ducal house. At least, that's how it was for me. Do you think Miss Elizabeth ran away with another man for no reason?”
“That may be true, but...”
I felt full even though I hadn't eaten much. However, not wanting to ignore the effort, I reached across the table to eat as much as possible.
Sitting in the dining room, I couldn't help but think of the past. I was at a stage where I struggled just to walk in a dress without stepping on the hem, yet I had to memorize every type and use of cutlery, as well as the order in which to eat the food.
And if I failed to act as I had been taught...
“Do you know why I asked for a sandwich?”
“No.”
“You don't need cutlery for a sandwich. You can just pick it up with your hands. I like foods like that. Foods that aren't cumbersome.”
“You must have bad memories of cutlery.”
“If I picked up the wrong fork, I was slapped right then and there. I don't remember the taste of the food I ate back then at all. I was too busy thinking about which piece of cutlery was the correct one. I spent every meal in such tension that I had no time to savor the flavor.”
“How could that be. How old were you then?”
“I was young. Fifteen, or around then. In truth, it was a late age to be learning dining etiquette for the first time. But what could I do? I had to live locked in an attic until then. What would I have known about forks and knives?”
In truth, just sitting in this dining hall made me feel a bit nauseous. Of course, no one can hit me now, but the afterimage emanating from the familiar space brought the old version of myself back to this spot, if only for a moment.
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