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LOS 70
We were in the drawing room. Nameless servants had served a simple tea set and vanished without a word. Now, only Arent and I sat facing each other across the table.
The subject was not one for a casual cup of tea, nor was the atmosphere conducive to it, so neither of us touched the refreshments or the teacups. Only the fresh scent of lemongrass struggled to keep the mood light.
“You want me to participate in a radio broadcast?”
I spoke first. Because the proposal was unbelievably wretched, my voice was inevitably sharp.
“That is correct.”
“Tell me more. Including the conditions you've set.”
“It will likely be a long story. There is much I must explain.”
“I don't mind. Time is the only thing I have in abundance.”
“Miss Eloise, you haven't been in Beldam for long, but I assume you have a general idea of the current state of this country.”
I nodded. Since they had lost the great war—the so-called World War—it was obvious how far the nation of Beldam had fallen, even without being told. I had heard rough accounts from the servants.
“The things I am about to tell you must not be disclosed to anyone else. I ask for your understanding.”
“What could it be that requires such secrecy?”
“Just know that these are matters that would bring no benefit if others found out.”
“......Fine. Go ahead.”
“To put it simply, Giles Hessen is a sinner created by necessity. It is true that he murdered his own countrymen, but the fact that his crime was exaggerated and distorted into something truly demonic was all for the public interest of the state. People are living in a reality worse than a gutter. They needed a new stimulus to make them forget that reality.”
“I know you are using Giles as a scapegoat.”
“Miss Eloise, you must understand. Without an issue to draw the public's eye, the entire society could be at risk. This is a time when dangerous incidents can occur anywhere, at any moment. A small spark on a dry branch can cause the entire forest to be swallowed by fire.”
I did not answer. The tea was growing cold, but I left it alone, feeling that if I took a sip, I would only spit it back out. There was a contradiction in his words. I loved him. How could he ask me to understand such a thing? It was an impossible demand.
“Since you have now become a part of Beldam, Miss Eloise, you surely understand. You wouldn't want to live in a country where looting and crime happen every day, would you?”
“Even so, that is the responsibility a fallen nation must bear. If they failed to prevent the war and went on to lose it, there are consequences that follow. This is a weight that Beldam must carry alone.”
“In that process, many more people will be sacrificed.”
“You are already sacrificing one person. You are placing the sins that this great nation should bear upon the back of a single man. You, of all people, should understand how cruel that is.”
“Would it not be a wise decision to replace the suffering of an unspecified multitude with a single individual?”
I found myself unable to find the words to respond and fell silent. It wasn't that I didn't understand his words intellectually. But... this was too cruel.
I couldn't help but think of Giles's position before that of Beldam. Beldam was a distant, hazy existence to me, but Giles was the man who had once been closest to me.
He told me he loved me. That wasn't all. To him, I was a being as precious as his own life, his reason for living.
And also...
“The purpose of a state is not something grand. This sturdy and massive fence exists to protect the citizens who lead their lives within it. We have a history of failing that task once. If we fail again, what do you think will happen? Although Beldam lost the war, and many lost their lives and families, there are still people remaining. We must simply do our best for those who are left. We cannot allow the state to fall into chaos again. If becoming a sacrificial lamb to prevent that chaos is Giles Hessen's role, then he is, in fact, a man who should be called a hero.”
“A hero?”
“As I said, he is the one diverting the people's attention to delay the great turmoil that may come. Perhaps he is fulfilling his duty as the most loyal soldier to the state. He deserves a medal. Of course, he will never be treated as a hero publicly, but we will pay him our deepest respect in our hearts.”
“Are you talking nonsense...?”
I was confused. The situation of having to accept such absurd claims was what drove me to this state.
“What are you trying to say? That there is meaning in a peace created by one person shouldering the failure of a giant nation?”
“Is that not what a hero is, by nature?”
“But...”
I didn't know how to process his words. What would Giles have done? How would he have reacted to these words?
Would he have nodded with that usual calm gaze, without a single flicker of emotion on his face? Would he have volunteered to be the necessary evil for the sake of the nation of Beldam?
“......Does Giles know about these things?”
“He may not know right now, but he will soon. We are not so heartless as to not inform him of the fate he faces.”
Arent continued, his tone absolute.
“And he will accept it.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because he is a soldier. Soldiers do not complain even if they lose their limbs on behalf of the state. It is an instinct engraved deep in their bones. It is the same logic as a hound not resenting its master until the moment it dies.”
“That's... too harsh.”
“But is that all?”
A faint smile appeared on Arent's lips. It was a smile far removed from mockery or ridicule.
“Above all, Giles Hessen will accept it for you. Because your life is included in the safety of Beldam. As long as you can lead a safe life, he will do anything. Therefore, you need not worry about him. Is he not the man who already gave up his own life to cross the border into Beldam for your sake?”
I didn't want to admit it, but he was right. From a certain point onward, Giles had become a man who didn't give a single thought to his own well-being. Instead, he needed someone to be blindly devoted to, and that was me.
Endless self-loathing had made him react numbly even if someone threw him into the mire. Because he wanted to hate himself even a little less, he sought to burn everything for the one he loved.
Just as he had done in the past for his own survival.
“If you understand all these circumstances, please accept my proposal. Of course, I know you love Giles Hessen. You may feel that lending a hand to this grand operation is like betraying him. That is precisely why I am proposing to arrange a meeting with him in exchange for your radio broadcast. Even if the words you speak on the radio do not come from the heart, I propose to make Hessen understand the situation you are in.”
“So in the end, you must drag me deep into this.”
“Miss Eloise, you walked into this yourself the moment you formed a deep relationship with Giles Hessen. Of course, you never wished for such an ending. I express my regrets.”
Arent took a bundle of papers tied with string out of a sharp-edged black bag. I received it across the table. The document, printed by a typewriter, seemed to be the script I was to recite on the radio.
After slowly scanning the script, I made up my mind.
“I will give you time to think, so please contact me once you have reached a decision.”
“No. There's no need for that. I'll tell you right here, right now.”
I took my eyes off the script and looked at him squarely. Now, I was as firm as someone who had faced the path they must walk. Everything was so clear that there was no need to hesitate.
“I'll do it. I just have to recite this on the radio, right? I can do that. I accept your proposal.”
“You accept?”
“Since I've already become entangled in Giles's affairs, you're asking me to do something that someone must do for the continuity of Beldam. I'll do it. All the procedures are likely already set, and it's obvious there's nothing I can change. If I cannot stop him from dying, I want to make his death more honorable. Since you've promised that Giles won't misunderstand, it couldn't be better.”
Arent looked at me for a moment, as if trying to peer into my mind, and then nodded.
“I understand. Then I shall take it as your consent.”
“Fine. When is the broadcast?”
“This Thursday at noon. I will come to collect you when the time comes. I hope you familiarize yourself well with the script until then.”
He closed his bag and stood up. Finally, pulling down the brim of his hat with one hand, he spoke.
“The state will pay respect to your devotion.”
I didn't bother to see him out. The door closed at the end of his receding footsteps. Instead, I stared blankly down at the script Arent had left behind.
The radio broadcast, where I would openly criticize Giles, was exactly three days away.
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